5/15/2006
its 3 am, i have part of a take-home final to start and finish, and things are going nowhere. i've got other stuff i'll try to rant about later... but for now, this.
i'm losing it again, and i'm very displeased. at this point i'm not sure what its being caused by.... being taunted by that which i want and can never have again on a nearly constant basis now, and that is being something that is getting more and more painful to deal with, or that my mental well-being is so tied to the functionality of my computers that when one of them dies, for good dies, i can't hold on.
i'm not sure what it is, but its very inconvienient. i'm really not sure what to do, in so much as that, on what hand I have a lot that I need to get done, what with finals approaching and things liek that. ON the other hand, I feel like I'm going crazy. I mean, I do know there's something wrong with me, I just... I don't know what to do to cope with it.
I hate this feeling where what faces me is things that I don't want to deal with and what I want is things that I can't have. This feeling that I'm never good enough to be happy or satisfied with life. This overwhelming feeling of utter failure. Its bad enough to go through the mindset, but whats most frustrating is the perminant effects it has. I can't focus on work I need to do because I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown. And I don't know if I should fight my way through a nervous break down for two weeks till I'm done with everything or just let myself snap, and then hope I can piece myself back together quickly enough to not be totally destroyed by it.
Hate not feeling like I really have anywhere to turn when this happens. That if i talk to anyone about it, I'd feel guilty. Even If i were to actually talk to anyone about it, which I'm not sure I could do in the first place.
i'm losing it again, and i'm very displeased. at this point i'm not sure what its being caused by.... being taunted by that which i want and can never have again on a nearly constant basis now, and that is being something that is getting more and more painful to deal with, or that my mental well-being is so tied to the functionality of my computers that when one of them dies, for good dies, i can't hold on.
i'm not sure what it is, but its very inconvienient. i'm really not sure what to do, in so much as that, on what hand I have a lot that I need to get done, what with finals approaching and things liek that. ON the other hand, I feel like I'm going crazy. I mean, I do know there's something wrong with me, I just... I don't know what to do to cope with it.
I hate this feeling where what faces me is things that I don't want to deal with and what I want is things that I can't have. This feeling that I'm never good enough to be happy or satisfied with life. This overwhelming feeling of utter failure. Its bad enough to go through the mindset, but whats most frustrating is the perminant effects it has. I can't focus on work I need to do because I'm in the middle of a nervous breakdown. And I don't know if I should fight my way through a nervous break down for two weeks till I'm done with everything or just let myself snap, and then hope I can piece myself back together quickly enough to not be totally destroyed by it.
Hate not feeling like I really have anywhere to turn when this happens. That if i talk to anyone about it, I'd feel guilty. Even If i were to actually talk to anyone about it, which I'm not sure I could do in the first place.
