Episode 6: Return of the Journal

Well, this has just been one of those weeks. The weather has yet to really help matters, either. I think we might now be up to the second wettest season ever...if not, we're darn close to getting there. That we've eben having not only flood warnings and houses falling off hills and stuff but have also had tornado warnings on more tahn one day is, without a doubt, a sign of the apocolypse. Not to mention the wierdness of a tiger roaming socal that was cornered and shot. It spices things up.

Today has been a big day in spending money...mainly in that I had to replace my tires. You see, wednesday i looked at one of my tires and it was low on air...severely....so i drove home, called my dad, and was able to work out a way to get new tires for today through a neighbor of his, workwise. Rather than the estimates I got that were 370 and up, i was able to get tires replaced for $288. Still a lot, but more affordable.
I've also gotten around to the purchases of a few things I'd been meaning to get...Black Books (tv series from England, coming by way of Australia), Voices of Iraq (video cameras were given to hundreds of iraqis), and Michael Moore Hates America (this just rules). So i'll be getting stuff over the next week or two. Fun to that.

I keep feeling guilty now for eating too much...estimating i'm round about at 2 meals a day now.....and it just feels like too much. and unfortunitly, all too often i've got nothing to "do", either in terms of going somewhere, or doing stuff on the computer, so i do make sandwhiches and stuff. The comp stuff is getting frustrating.... I'm used to ebing fairly social on the net, but tahts continually drying up because people just....aren't on, or don't feel like talking to me, or are on but busy. So that doesn't work terribly well. In theory I could get into another game, but I just don't have the energy to do so....prob mostly because it takes such a chunk of time cuz if its something that is beatable, i play till its beaten.
I also could get back to doing webpage work, but I don't know where I want to go with that, and I'm just sort of apathetic...closest I may do is get around to writing some essays for the site....but taht needs the right mood.

I'd go out....but with this rain, I really don't like doing so, for one thing. Also theres just not much to do/go....as in theres nothing to have happen eventwise. Am glad to at least have gotten the Magic going again, to an extent....i've missed that. its like an insane chess game where you pick your own pieces. and good ol' strategy. Certainly better than strat option number 2, which is just playing minesweeper. and thats getting rustrating because i can't beat my times much anymore.

I think I just need something to focus on that I have the ability to care about and not just give up on so quickly....or a lock on the fridge to push out the extra meals.

As a side note i add here rather than scroll back up and integrate it into this, for some reason yesterday two people in seperate incidents hit the gas as i was crossing the street in front of them. I keep thinking that one of these days i'm just gonna get plowed into by a car....and its definitly moving that way. bring it on.

Well, I decided to do a post more self-indulgant than my already self indulgent posts and go through the coolness of some places that people have gottne to either my blog or website from.
First, the blog has been visited by the following countries in last 100 hits:
42 United States; 23 Australia; 17 - - ; 4 Canada; 3 Germany; 1 Philippines; 1 Singapore; 1 Mexico
Now, my website:
54 United States; 6 Sweden; 6 Canada; 3 New Zealand; 3 United Kingdom; 3 Kyrgyzstan; 2 - - ; 2 Belgium; 2 Malaysia; 2 Ireland; 2 Australia; 1 South Africa
I think the two coolest are Ireland and Kyrgyzstan.

Also, on the 10th, my website had a very strange peak of 63 unique visitors...this up from like, an average of 10 or 20. I have no idea where they came from, or where they went. I'm very, very, very confused.

Well, I'm going to gloss over the last week as there's not been too much of note for much of it. That I still remember anyway.
Pretty much just the school/work routine till Friday. Friday evening I went to Chris' and there was much Magic, which I've missed....then Jeremy showed up, there was an episode of Love Hina, then I came home.

Saturday went down to visit Sita. The rain didn't make it all that fun though, and i had a couple minor bits of losing control of the jeep but nothing serious. Just a reminder that I need to get new tires on it soon. Overall though was fun, esp with lunch at subway and dinner at an italian place, followed up by a pretty good concert thing. And its always interesting to talk politics for me...and it was a situation where I had to be able to defend my viewpoints. Also good to get caught up with Sita.

Today I've done virtually nothing...and definitly nothing that I should've been doing. I am, however, still convinced that this house is haunted. As of a few minutes ago, our door to the garage, which had been shut, opened then closed twice. Heavy door too. Soo....thats not the most reassuring of things. I really need to put together the part of my website for this stuff. Either way, its creepy.

In the general realm of things...I'm about to put more flyers out for tutoring as i'm trying to boost those revenues up because, well, I need more money. Not the least of which being for the new and afforementioned tires.

I still wish I could control what I think about and all...just as my thoughts seem to be so contradictory to my wellbeing of late. Dreaming has become especially risky and I'm trying to avoid that one at all costs, which is part of the reason why I hate sleeping so much. I dont like not being able to control things, but it seems I can't control things not only in my dreams but in real life as well. Or well, I can't control things to get what I want out of them. Its frustrating to be in that position, but there's not much I can do I suppose. I'm really too stuborn for my own good.

Other things that aren't for my own good, i've decided that I will try to do the Hollywood lineup for Star Wars because, well, its the only chance i'll get and i'll never live it down from Bryan if i DON'T. so there's my exciting plan for the future. Whats it say about me when the only thing in my life i've got a plan for is seeing star wars? i guess thats just classic me.

I am, wihtout a doubt, my own worst enemy.

So, last sunday I bought Survior's Quest, a star wars book to be reviewed in my next entry that I'd been waiting to get in paperback for probably just under a year.

Last night, around 2 or so, I go to bed and decide "I know, I'll read for a little bit" and that proved to be a bad idea. you see, with me, when I start reading, I don't stop till I'm done usually unless something forces me to stop. So, I finally realise I have to stop reading and go to bed somewhere around 6:30 this morning. It took me half an hour to get to sleep as the very sun was rising. Never again.
Of course, I also managed to get to get up at 11:30 so that I didn't throw my sleep cycle out of wack by sleeping till like 3 or 4.

I've caught up with all my classes and now I just need to be ready for the fun task of seeing if i can add a statistics class. following that, I'll have an actual and official schedule up here. This'll mean two weeks to make up if I do get in....and put me up to 18 units. I'm insane.

I continue to live in this strange little world in which I can see where I want things to go in all elements of my life, yet find myself fully unable to make that happen. its like being on a ride or something i suppose. or in the backseat of a car. i've got no control.

Well, lets fast forward through a week...
most of this week has been just school and work in that little routine, but I've been scrambling because I couldn't get into the journalism class I was trying for. So, to get in something, I added a World Geography class Thursday, and got the book Friday. Friday also was about an hour and a half drive to get home. That was fun too.

So, Between yesterday and today I've done all the work for the geography class for the first two weeks, all the reading for my Greek & Roman mythology class for the first two weeks plus next week, and and did all the coding for my C++ class for the upcoming week.

This was all done with the time I had from also having been up till 5 in the morning running scans on my most troublesome computers and doing the reading, then waking up at 2 with a bunch more that had to get done today, mainly the geography stuff that was due today. Which is why getting plan ideas at 2 really wasn't terribly feasible.

And the most fun thing was having to move a filing cabinet full of junk, and do some work on the electrical wiring to get some outlets working. Which they now are. Woot to that.

In other news, well, I'm going more and more psychotic. So hurrah.

Two days to cover. Double the excitement. I had to drive yesterday to CSUN for a 20 minute long class session. That SO wasn't worth it. Also, the chupathingie has been serviced and is still in good shape. go it.

For those that haven't done so yet and live in california...next friday is the deadline for petitions to prevent illegals from getting driver's licenses in california. If you haven't signed this already, get it at www.saveourlicense.com Go forth people!

Last night went to Chris' for what I was led to beleive would be a gathering of some sort. I was told people were going to be there and all sorts of stuff. I, however, get there right as battlestar gallactica (which'd otherwise really not be something i'd ever watch) is comign on and there is effectivly no one else there. so just watched that with chris, then some halo with him and then his brother....limitations comign from a lack of controllers. I blame the French.

Last night/this morning was really bad in its own right. I got home to find the computers had been shut down on me, even though I'd been signed on to one...and I don't likethat chance someone could've IM'ed me something i might have needed to know about. So instead I read. I lost track of time and actually read till 4:30 when I finished the book, which will be discussed tomorrow. Then it still took me somewhere over an hour to get to sleep...so I was up till somewher after 5:30 in the morning. See, this is why I don't like to read at night. I need something to get me to stop, otherwise I just get lost in reading.

Today the only real thing of note was that, since Andrew and Karl would be around, I figured it'd make for a good time to watch Fahrenhype 9/11. Had Kristal, Jennie, and Bryan come over too for it. Would've liked things to stay more on the "watching" class of things, but that'd be wishing for the impossible. Karl did a very good job of being late though....so instead of starting at 8, things didn't get going till after 8:30. Finally kicked em out round 11.

As an aside, rumors are very strange things. For example, there is this rumor circulating about me: "rumor has it youve lost a ton of weight and look amazing".
Ah, the trickery of rumors.

And now, for some important random comments.

• The computer I am presently on does not have notepad.
  
• I have decided that, in responce to people saying that illegal immigrants should be called "undocumented immigrants", i would like to also move that "rape", from now on, be called "sex with misunderstandings" or, in casual settings, "stealing home"
  
• While such an issue seems to be made over breast cancer, it is in fact the third ranking cancer in terms of deaths, behind lung and colon cancer
  
• 25% of domestic abuse victims are men, a percentage rarely discussed
  
• While 6 million Jews were killed in the holocaust, estimates say that between 5-8 million non-Jews were also killed, and the first people to end up in concentration camps were Christian Poles. Of course, this in no way means that the genocide agaisnt the Jewish population of Europe wasn't an atrocity
  
• The great wall of China CAN NOT be seen from space
  
• My best minesweeper time in beginner mode is 3 seconds
  

Here's where I'd update if I had much of anything interesting to say....but I really don't. Its been a quiet day, really. School was uneventful, though parking is mocking me still. I have yet to park in the parking lot itself. Oh, I did see, though, a motorised wheelchair crossing nordhoff in one of the lanes and going down the street in the second lane. that was odd.

Well, the girl I was tutoring that was accused of cheating has now had the teacher admit that she's got no reason to say she cheated, but I found it funny nonetheless. Nothing like showing up the teachers with my superior skillz.

Went to the bank tonight and oh am I in the money. Well, to be more precise, a bunch of it was christmas money, and money thats come back from CSUN. For some reason, CSUN sent me a check for the parking after I paid for the parking. Now, I'm not complaining, I'm just confused on that one. Anyway, got a little over $600 into the bank tonight, so that'll cover my current Visa bill, and I think replenish the savings account so next week will start going back into checking.

Was also suppsoed to stop by Chris' tonight, but between work and dinner things got late...now I just get to look forward to comign home tomorrow at like 5. Joy.

In other stuff...I've got a facebook account...which is a site that is for people at selected colleges. Check mine out here and add me as a friend if you want.

people are not online enough, i say this to you all, for i speak the truth.

to cover the day...parking is still horrible at csun. anyone that knows how to get parking at 10 there, let me know.
i finally got journalism officially added as a minor today, and i'm trying to add a visual communication class. it seems really interesting, and hopfully i can get in some how. also, i think i'm gonna have to add one or two online classes to take care of upper division ge's and get my unit count up. either something in geography or philosophy, i think.

big dvd harvest today....got bill and ted's excellent adventure and bogus journey as a late christmas present, and used gift cards to get fawlty towers and fahrenhype 9/11, which i've already watched.
Fahrenhype 9/11 is basically a rebuttal of sorts to Fahrenheit 9/11. The thing that I found interesting about it, though, is that a number of people in it discussed that they'd either voted for clinton or, in some cases, even for gore, so these were not entirly republicans. It was, I would say, a good account of countering some of Fahrenheit's claims, plus it had really powerful comments from one soldier who lost his arms in Iraq and was shown in Fahrenheit 9/11, and also the aunt of a soldier who's funeral was in Fahrenheit 9/11. Both done without permission in Fahrenheit. The other powerful part was the images of soldiers with the Iraqi people....it really gets those patriotic feelings stirring.
On that note, coming up shortly, I'm going to try to go through and quote as many Iraqi blogs as I can find that have comments regarding the elections soon...so that will be interesting to see how they all read....basicly I want to look at them all together, to see a general idea of how the Iraqis feel.


As a more humorous note, I started tutoring yesterday the sister of someone I started tutoring last semister (who got 90% on the final and went from a F to a C) and she had a test today. I found out when I was there tonight that she got 100% on a test today in class and the teacher has actually accused her of cheating on it because of the big jump in score. Apparently she told her teacher that she understands it now because she has a tutor that can explain it so she can get it. I think that bruised some pride on the part of the teacher. heh.
On the note of work, I've actually jumped up to quite the good start for a semister, with about 8 hours this week already, and more next week. If i can get some more clients soon, I cuold be in the $300 a week or more range soon, which'll be really nice since usually I don't get to taht point till the last month.

Coming later...my review of the state of the union address and perhaps more in depth comments on Fahrenhype 9/11.

well, i figured I may as well talk about my classes

my physics class this semister is very odd....mainly in that we've gone from having a nice 5 or 6 people to about 20 or 25. its very disorienting. i want things the way there were. they were better then. at least the same core group is still in it.
i'm really angry with the lab for it though, because its 2 to 5 on fridays...and the only thing i even have on fridays.

i'm taking a greek and roman classics course.... CLAS 315, i think. Oddly, the room number is also 315. Anyways, taking it since I need some upper division GEs....the cool thing about this is that theres no essays or homework or anything. Just a midterm for 40% and a final for 60%. And greek mythology rules and i figure I already know more than average, so its an interesting topic. Hopfully it'll go well.

i have to take a computer class for my major....of course, its C++ which I did at saugus. so hopfully this'll be a nice walk through sort of class that won't eat up too much of my time and i'll get a solid A out of. Theres also all of like....10 people in there, half of whom are physics majors. its kinda eerie cuz of that.

anyway, tomorrow i've got to try to get into a journalism class....so heres hoping that works.

the cool thing about my schedule is that i have no gaps over like 10 minutes in my schedule and the earliest i start is 10. of course, parking is horrible.....i was 20 minutes away today when i parked...down nordoff a block or so...stupid filled parking lots.


i still am frustrated with firstly, insomnia thats getting to me more now that i've been getting kicked off the comp a couple nights and i spend hours not falling asleep in bed, and secondly from this feeling of being stuck. it really feels like all the things i want to have a say in are either things that i can't change, or am having my decisions made for me. parents are frustrating.
i also am doing my normal psychobounce thing where i go between extremely depressed and the desire to do something social but lacking the initiative. i don't know what that means....but maybe its a sign or something.

and in other news, this is awesome: http://www.rockpapersaddam.com/index.html

Its always important to remember what parents are for...to remind you that no matter what you might sometimes think, you are a failure at even the most simple concepts in life. There's something very frustrating in that my parents feel that all my internet use has to be supervised while I am 19. I don't know what logic it is to say that they can't go to sleep unless I've gone to sleep. There's no degree of freedom there. and when they say there is, its not actually freedom, its that i have the freedom to decide voluntarily to go to bed early rather than wait to be told.
Sure this is a computer in a main part of the house, but when I brought up my having a computer in my room with the net so that I wouldn't disturb anyone, as me staying up till after 4 reading isn't a problem because I'm in my room the arguement was they can't supervise me on the net. I see no reason why they need to, or more importantly, feel they've any reason to. And to bring up that my brother does stuff he shouldn't is also unfair considering he is, at least, still a minor.
Its just always cheery to know your parents think you fail at the ability to live your life. Honestly...the idea of just, giving up on college so I don't have to put up with being in trouble for not waking up earlier than I have to because my mom doesn't know when my classes are, or getting yelled at for not doing homework that I don't need to do is very tempting. I really don't care about the whole "future" junk sometims if it means constantly being demeaned and criticised by my mom especially for everything I've ever done. That everything I've ever done is, one way or another a failure or shortcoming to her is not terribly uplifting.
Nothing is more fun than being an insomniac who not only often can't sleep, but has actually been consistantly YELLED at for it. I used to stay up and read, sometimes till 4 or 5 in the morning..and get in trouble. But as soon as I do that on the computer, its because people online aren't letting me go to sleep and I have to listen to them or something like that. I think I've a better explanation...I'm bad at sleep, I don't like it, and its often hard to get to. I'd much rather relax on the computer and not focus on anything much as I do now than lie in bed staring at the ceiling and not being able to sleep and just thinking about what'll happen when I die like I used to do when I was 7, or thereabouts.