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this is about me......my actions, my thoughts, my observations. any similiarities to any other people, living or dead, is proof that they are ripping off me and my life. and i'm sueing. oh yes, i am. for a full concept of me, check out my site and the forum i admin, both linked at the right. and on the left, you can see your left speaker.

8/30/2004

Alright, finishing a weekend update here.

First thing is first, Saturday I was able to have some very overdue AIM convo with Loren, which is always a good way to start off the day :). Germany is such the time difference though.

Anyway, after that...drove down to get Liz, then brought her back up here for Chris' party. WHich...well, didn't go as good as a party could've. Though, I don't fault Chris for it much. He tries....hes kinda like the Little Engine that could....if it lost traction, rolled down the hill, then derailed in a firey crash. Tim was only there briefly, as was Karl.... Bryan didn't show up, Jennie and Kristal were barely there, and then Jeremy, Jason, and Adam (i think?) were there for a while though. I've come to the conclusion that the new Mario Kart is a corruption of Mario Kart 64. One of these things where I think its overly complex and taking away from the gameplay. I say this not because I'm bad, for I am owned at all games, but because there are those games I can have fun and get owned at, and this wasn't one. The ownage will be mentioned later. We also watched House of 1000 Corpses. This I blame on Liz. Now, those of you that were there are saying "Hey Mike, weren't you the one that suggested it though?" and you'd be right. But, I've also been hearing that soundtrack since Liz has it on CD, and thats why it got suggested as to a movie to watch. Of course, I also enjoyed the movie, as twisted, disturbing, and bizarre as it was, so its not much of a blame thing. It was definitly odd to watch though. Check it out....I think. Only for the seriously disturbed though. I think it'd freak out the norms too much.
After here, I think it was basicly just card games and stuff like that to spend the time long into the morning. I finally left to take Liz home at like 2:30. Liz was most entertaining returning home, and thanks to her antics....my car now has two new messages: "pineapple" on the windshield and "I kicked mike's ass" on the passenger window. Um...thanks Liz. On this note, karl writing "I luv Mike" on the back window, as well as bryan writing....um...something....are both gone since i've sorta cleaned the back window. Anyways, this all meant I got to bed at like....4. This morning I was back out of the house earlyish (like 11) to go get Liz for a day at Magic Mountain. I'm tired of elaborating...so i'm going to do the quick rundown of it and i'll elaborate on notable stuff tomorrow.
Revolution, Viper, X, mooseburger lodge, goliath, dippin dots, jetstream, psychlone, de ja vu, goldrush, scream, back to Santa Monica.
And then now. Also as a note, I've had a monitor die for one of my computers, which totally puts a damper on things because I can't get to my email and all sorts of stuff atm. Not a fun thing. So i get to go replace the monitor for the family comp in the tomorrow.

8/28/2004

Its Friday! Well, ok, i lied. Its saturday, but effectivly friday as far as I'm concerned. I think both this and my site are totally picked up by Google now, because I'm sorta racking in the hits. I guess. Anyways, now to speak of the day.

One class from 1-2. Which is an annoying time. Anyways, afterwards I was down to Santa Monica again. I found a fun way to get there too. Not faster, it still is like...30 or 40 minutes just from Northridge alone... but taking Sepulvida is a lot more fun for a while cuz I can drive faster and theres turns and tunnels and stuff. It makes driving fun!

Anyways, so Liz and I first went and got lunch....And I tried my second attempt at sushi as it was easier tahn finding food of my own. Cucumber roll thigns at the prominade. Which worked. better though was that the place had free refills. So I had 4 glasses of coke.
After this there was a great deal of cruising around, nothing particular. Eventually, we ended up at Citywalk. Along the way, I found spots you can see the Hollywood sign from. So go me. Yes, I was paying attention to that while driving. Walked around citwalk, and the sad thing is the store with the glow-in-the-dark stuff is gone. Liz got a late birthday present though. And there was much temptation to buy a ton of star wars stuff. Dinner at the Italian place thats there whose name eludes me for the moment. Half pound meatballs! And so more cruising around before I finally returned Liz to her uncle's place. tonights travels meant I left there at 12:26 and got home at 1:03. Its good to track these things. Tomorow ought to be interesting. We shall see what happens there.

8/27/2004

First thing's first...I normally don't use this to respond to other people's journal entries, because thats what comments sections are for, but I don't have a choice here. I'm going to make it very clear that I am not trying to be arguementative, but this will still sound critical. Jennie, you are ignorant of how traffic works in Southern California. You've driven to or from Santa Monica twice, both after 8 pm. I have driven to or from Santa Monica 12 times in the last week. Often, this is during the morning or afternoon. During these times, I can't even get to and from Northridge in under 40 minutes, and thats 10 miles closer and on THIS side of Sepulvida Pass. The first day I went down there the last 4 or 5 miles took me over 20 or 25 minutes on their own. Tuesday, it took me approx 2 hours to drive from there to here. So don't go calling me crazy on a topic that you don't actually know about. I get plenty criticised for justified reasons to need to be dealing with criticism just based because you don't know what you're talking about.

Anyways, on to the day itself. Some classes, which were dull and I had to work at it to not fall asleep during them. At like 1, I had lunch on campus at the insistance of someone in class with me who felt I should eat before I passed out. By my count, this means I went slightly over 40 hours without eating, and only having one drink....some sort of ice stuff at Andria's night before. After a short lab, it was off to Santa Monica (via a 45 minute drive to go all of 10 or 15 miles) for Operation: Cheer Liz Up.
Now, the Operation failed horribly... but this should have been expected when I'm at work at something like this. But we can still go over what [i]did[/i] happen. Got down there and we headed down to the beach near the pier. Liz decided she wanted to go into the water, so I just chilled on the beach for a bit. Then we went back to her uncle's house, I changed into my swimsuit, and we headed back out to a diff beach a bit further north. We were there for a few hours...till just a little bit after the sun had set. I'm amazingly not burned from this, as far as I can tell. Anyways... so after the whole beach thing, we went and got food at the prominade. Mexican place. Was good. This was followed by wandering through a parking structure for a while since I lost the Jeep. Go me.
After this, it was time for an adventure! We didn't know what to do, so I decided we could head for hollywood. But i was gonna do it the fun way. So I headed over to PCH, took it up to Sunset, and then took that all the way east through the foothills to Hollywood. Granted, after a bit of this, Liz lost faith in me as to what I was doing. But I proved triumphant. And there was some element of fun to it. Also meant taht we drove through both Beverly Hills and Brentwood. And I think that its also not taht bad, since Liz seemed to enjoy just riding around while listening to her music, so its all good....I think.
After that, headed down to check out main street a bit. Really dull. We did stop, though, so she could get some coffee. Cuz this is how it works. I'm more a glorified chueffer than anything else here. A title I take pride in though. But so then finally after all that dropped Liz off. Left there at 12:23 and got home exactly at one, making for I think the best time I've yet made. The freeways are really empty at that time of night on a thursday, so it wasn't too bad.

Overall though....the stuff after school made for good stuff, and I def enjoyed it. Well, its gotta be enjoyable to excuse a round trip time that can be anywhere from an hour and 20 minutes to 2 and a half hours, depending on traffic conditions. Shame the Operation didn't succeed though... but I tried. I'm also thinking that if I can do so cheaply, I'll take Liz up on her visit NYC offer at some point. Since, I figure... to go there for a week or so would only cost like... $400 or $500, and that's small enough that it wouldn't be a factor in any other plans money-wise... and its definitly a fun time hanging with Liz. And fun times seem to have habit of eluding me, on the whole. So yeah, its been cool stuff.

8/25/2004

I've discovered the best way of settling a stomach. Stop eating and drinking. Cutting edge there. Also helpful becuase food costs money, and time, and all that stuff. As such... I'm almost back to feeling physically normal. Which is good... though being sick through classes wasn't the best experience.

I'm one away from getting to be in the Journalism 110 class though. So one more person needs to drop and I'm in. One can only hope. Lets see...what else to add... started working again today, which isn't fun. Or well... it works. I'd rather be having a good time.... but i need money for that. And I suppose I can only do that so much. Me and the whole....good social time thing don't go well. Of coruse, this is to be expected. At least I know I'm a jerk though, so I suppose thats a good thing. One of those "know thyself" type things. Well, a mix of that I'm a jerk, that I'm antisocial, and that i'm dull. Either way, its a good thing then that I've got a computer. And games.

Got together with Andria, something I've not done since...like Spring Break, I think. Watched...some Eddie Izzard thign....Dressed to Kill, i think? anyway, was fun. Really funny stuff. I think I'm the last person to have actually seen his stuff as I'm always wayyy behind everyone else, but if someone else actually hasn't seen him... check it out.

I still wish I had even half a clue why I've got this whole....psycho guilt depression thing going. One of these days I'm really going to just get myself committed.
Every so often I get the distinct feeling like I'm gonna die here. Or well..not that I'm going to die, per se, just that I'm gonna have my mind torn apart or what not. I go through periods where I feel like I might be close to normal... then I go back through the periods that remind me how unstable I am, how far off from clear thinking I am. Theres something not terribly fun about realising that you're crazy to some extent, and that the delusions of your mind can nearly end up running your life. Moreso, its probably problems like this, and considering them problems, that trigger the guilt. Its all one big interconnected mental issue that'll finish me off one of these days. This is the downside of believing that those that are dangers to society should be removed when one is also a danger to society.

8/24/2004

Long day. Long, long day.

One of these days, I'll figure out at what threshhold I no longer am in place in groups. I think its when it hits 5 people that feel out of place. Whatever the point that happens at, i think its just where a group becomes active enough that I become a hindrance to people enjoying it rather than an asset. I guess, if theres enough people, then theres nothing for me to contribute, and I don't like being useless, or unneccessary, or a hassle.
I think its like why I so often feel out of place at school the more social it gets around classes. That the bigger the crowd, the more people, the more I don't belong there. Wonder if its why I avoid social stuff and large crowds to an extent. Actually, this ties back strongly to when I was suicidal, and that I always felt guilty for being a burden on people and that that was the main motivation. I guess thats a consistant thing. Probably also why I try to counter out said feeling of burden. And such the habit of buying friends, of a fashion, began.

Anyways...so what happened today. I think I'll start with this morning...somewhere around 2 or 3 in the morning i was out at the computer writing. I panicked when I saw that someone had walked up next to me from down the hallway and was standing next to me. I jumped, and looked up to figure out which parent had nailed me, as I never can quite tell with the cabinet partially in the way. When I looked up, no one was there. This totally freaked me out because I clearly remember seeing at least an arm quite clearly. Not cool. Not cool at all.

The actual day...had my Math 262 class and my Physics class. Mailed a letter, then drove down to Santa Monica for Liz's birthday. I'd intended to not admit to this...but I think Liz has already commented on it....so....since she had been having trouble finding an affordable bathing suit, I drove her down to Venice Beach and went with her as she shopped around for that. In trying to fill the time, I got my reaction time on my watch to 14 hundredths of a second. This is how I applied my time. About an hour and a half or 2 hour drive back up here during traffic. Psycho freeway.

So there was the meet-up at Vincenzo's with...Andrew, Bryan, Chris, Jennie, and a late Karl. Always good pizza. Trouble might've started here. Anyways, after a relocation to Baskin Robbins to get her a cake at Jennie's suggestion, and Karl being blind and missing QUITE an eyefull...things got bad. Somewhere between this afternoon, the pizza, and the ice cream...and I think stress too, led to me getting sick. Again. Which I'm really not a fan of. I sorta wish I knew what causes this....but its not worth worrying about, I figure.
Anyways, Liz went through a change of plans during the night, so between that there, and that there was the whole group of people to be around, it really didn't make a diff that I was a. sick, or b. ended up heading home early. I stayed around long enough to make sure taht everything was set for her, mainly lying in my car trying to feel better...but so I left once it seemed pretty certain that I'd not be needed further. Was a good thing in that sense... I'd have felt bad were circumstances such that my being sick and all had had an effect on her birthday stuff, but she had more than enough to be involved with whatever was going on so didn't make a dif where I was. Suppose benefit of having friends that get out of control. Details still confuse me as to what happened, but it sounded loud, at least. I think no one was seriously harmed, so thats the good thing. And so it seems like a good time was had by all, for the most part, and at least Liz, so thats the other good thing. And another happy birthday to Liz!

And I think Chris only owes me...$3 now. Good for you, chris. I also give props to those that tossed in couple bucks on the cake. Not required, but nice. So that would be props to...Andrew, Karl, and...um...ok, i got no memory. Someone else gets some props though.

8/23/2004

Alright, lots to cover so here we go...
First thing is first. Olympics are going on. U.S. Basketball lost to Purto Rico. Now, my big question is this; since when was that a country? Thats still our island, dang it, so how the heck do we lose to it!? This is just a messed up thing. Besides the fact that the U.S. is being represented in basketball by players that are distinctly NOT the best. Other thing...I feel sorry for the American swimmer being pressured sort of into beating Mark Spitz's record on medals. I mean, let him do his best, then see where that places him...don't just force him to win everything. Not cool. Also, its always fun to see the U.S. just dominate. Like in fencing. Or in swimming. Especially since the U.S. hasn't been the favorite for swimming.

Now then, on to actual stuff over the last half a week or so...
Wednesday, went down to CSUN with Katie. I got my books and my parking pass and stuff, so that's good to have that all sorted out. Couple books might need getting along the way...but for now its good.
Thursday.....doesn't count.

So Friday I drove down to Santa Monica for the first meeting of Liz, who's in california for...week and a half now. Friday consisted of picking her up, heading down to the pier, running out of stuff to do there....then the third street prominade. This led to two things, primarily. One was taht I bought both "Michael Moore is a big fat stupid white man" and a Skeptics magazine that talks about star wars, the other was an awesome political debate. Well, not the best I've had, actually, but it was just fun to have a debate just sort of start like that. It was the anti-Bush person vs me, the anti-Kerry and Bush person. It was enjoyable. First time I'd been in Santa Monica. Then it was down to Venice Beach. Lot of shops, drug paraphanalia that surprised Liz, assorted odd people...altogether interesting. First time I'd been at Venice Beach. Then Liz proved she actually can sing.... very impressivly as far as I can tell, actually. Then...in the name of a lightsaber fight, we ended up getting lost in an attempt to reach Malibu. First time I'd been in Malibu. Though I think this was reenforced by the fact that I got lost. Anyways, I eventually got home...at like...1:30 in the morning. I found I was horridly burnt. Woot for that. And I came home to some good mail to read...so that was a good end to that day.
Saturday was back down to Santa Monica, getting Liz, driving back up here. First drove through Cal Arts, then got lunch, came home, headed back out after talking with Chris to meet up with him, Jennie, nad Kristal at Borders...then back home again. Tortured Liz via SW holiday special...she held up very well. Then tracked out bryan and Karl.....who were hard to handle as always and then made an odd disappearance prior to dinner. Anyways, so then drove Liz back down to Santa Monica again, stayed down there for a while since I was sick, then left when I figured I was doing well enough to risk it, as I didn't want to keep Liz up by being there trying to get better...and got home late again.
Sunday, drove down again, we ate and saw the Exorcist and generally wandered around for the rest of the day... and then I left early so that I could get back home for dinner. I recommend the Exorcist to anyone that saw the first one. Its really good, imo.

Today...today was the first day back to classes. A schedule will show up when stuff is finalised. I'm trying to get into Journalism 110 so far, and I'll have to wait to see if there are openings. The good thing is, they give the spots based on whoever has the most units, so I think I'm in really good shape there. My Physics and Math classes weren't terribly eventful though....but the professors for all 3 seem good. Looks like it won't be that bad of a semister.
Tutoring is off to a better start that I'd expected with a couple scheduled, and hoping now for more calls. I also had an interview of sorts for one job tonight, where I, oddly enough, knew the girl I'd be tutoring from years back to the whole speech team thing. Wow thats a ways back. Sorta cool in that aspect though. hopfully I get that job.
And of course, tomorrow will be more school, and 2 trips to Santa Monica...one to get Liz, one to take her back. And the first part'll be during traffic, too. That...won't be fun. The traffic stuff at least.

Of course the grand lesson here is that it proves me right in feeling that I can accurately gauge people over the net, and that people that I develop friendships with on the net are also then the proper balance for good friendships not on the net. So tahts some cool lesson that makes me feel slightly less anti-social.
Oh, that...and I am apparently losing the "Am I fat?" argument.

8/17/2004

Nothing much new to mention....though I will give props here to Chris for getting his license. I'm surprised.

Anyways, the biggest thing of the last few days has been that I have, after months of being too lazy to do so, started to put stuff up at my DeviantART gallery, which can be found at http://lowbacca.deviantart.com/. I've only just begun to get stuff up though, and theoretically, I should be up to about 50 pieces by the end of the month. Or whenever it happens. Never underestimate my ability to not do anything. My DeviantART site will also be over in the list of the Mike Network at the right for easy access. I will say that DeviantART has been, in just a couple days, really cathartic. Its just had some sort of relaxing element in that for the first time, really, I'm getting feedback on stuff. It's been out there for that possibility, but not really getting it. Its just such a nice change in that...the poetry I've got on there only partially got the feelings I was dealing with taken care of. Finally having people just comment on it, well, thats like the final bit of getting it out of my system. To have people, even that don't even know me, comment on what they thought, good or bad, just means a lot more than I'd expected it would. Its also given me more comfort with what I can do with poetry. So while I'm still horrible at it, I at least feel okay enough with it to write it easier in the future, I forsee.

Also, I think I've taken care of all blogs. If yours isn't on there, or the link to yours doesn't work, let me know via the comments here.


I've decided to add one interesting thing here, which is to also include the weird ways people have reached this blog. Now of course, i'm assuming anyone reading atm has the misfortune of knowing me and thusly came to know about my blog. Of course, this ignores a handful of people that have ended up here looking for actual helpful material through search engines. i thought it would be fun to go through this...so here are ways you too can get to my blog via search engine!
  • "chupathingie"
  • "alissa photobucket"
  • "summer jobs for teens"
  • "Christmas tauntaun"
  • "Clinically Kristal plug"
  • "Return of the Jedi shoe pic"

Chupathingie, at the time, was finding me #4 on google, and that was the first. The rest are, to the best of my efforts, in chronological order. I am, of course, proud that 2 of the 6 are Star Wars related. However, I also have no idea how those got people here.

As a related note, I've now spread my word to people from the following countries:

  • USA (duh)
  • Canada
  • Australia
  • New Zealand (or so it says. i have my doubts)
  • Germany (this was the search "Clinically Kristal plug")
  • Philippines

What can I say? I'm an international phenomenon. Or something. Maybe more like an international flop.

8/14/2004

As a general note...I haven't done a thing over the last few days, aside from watchin the audio commentaries of all the Kevin Smith movies, plus Bowling for Columbine's audio commentary twice, and assorted tv shows. And net time. But thats a given. Therefore, I present the following demonstration of my thought processes.

Presidental Election
thoughts on

Alright, so I've decided that I'm going to go through my own process of how I'm trying to decide where my vote will be going this fall. Maybe trying to put it all here will make things clearer. We'll see.

So, for the last few years, I've been very displeased with Bush and the government. Patriot Act, Iraq, North Korea....I'm not that pleased. So, my initial mindset going into this election was "Please give me someone to vote for other than Bush." Of course, the Democrats had like....9 people when they started out and that would need weeding down. I didn't pay much attention at this point, as it was sort of hard to take that big of a field seriously, and I was more concerned with California politics at the time. (GO RECALL!!) Dean scared me though, only as he seemed a bit...out there. Before he fell flat on his face, that is.

Anyways, so skipping forward, Kerry ended up becoming the Democratic nominee that would be facing Bush. I didn't like Bush still, but Kerry also was someone I had no appeal to vote for. As Bryan so brilliantly put it (rough quote): "Anyone would be better than Bush. But the thing is, thats really not true." So it was time to look at platforms and all. The first platform I read into was one that I for the most part agreed with the stance on political parties, the media, the electoral system, and had only moderate disagreements with on immigration policy, and just one major objection to affirmative action. There was one problem, however; this was for Ralph Nader, who so far is NOT going to be on the California ballot because there was intense pressure from the Democrats and the Green Party chose not to endorse him. So...the one guy who I could've felt good voting for is out.

So now, I'm left with Kerry or Bush, and its a matter of which one of them will get my vote, because I'm going to vote, I just have to figure out the lesser of evils. Now, the knee-jerk reaction of a lot of people is to say Bush. Then again, another group's knee-jerk reaction would be Kerry. Theres jerks both on the left and the right about this. Anyways, the first thing is who do I agree with? I can't say that I agree significantly with either, primarily because I can't stand the mainstream elements of the Democratic and Republican parties. The second thing is who can I respect? When I don't particularly agree with anyone, I at least what an official I can respect. Of course, with these two, that ain't happening either. So finally its down to who will do the least damage. Kerry, well, don't know if he'll do anything good or bad. Mostly because he goes back and forth on issues so much. Don't believe me? Check out http://wwww.kerryoniraq.com. This worries me, in general. Now then theres the question of Bush. He's at least a bit more consistant, which means that at least I have a better idea of what to expect. Also, I don't think he can get us into another stupid war like Iraq (which I have always opposed and questioned the reasons of). We don't have the manpower or the money to do so. Also, there will be extreme pressure against any other military engagements. Anything he does try to do will need MASSIVE proof before the Dems will go along with it, because they're trying to count on the anti-war votes. Of course, I will add, the whole reason I don't just go to the Dems because i'm anti-war is because the Dems in gov't aren't. They went right along with everything without questioning, and are only anti-war NOW to get votes. So they're not innocent here. So theres where I stand. I've got three months to either figure out which one to vote for, or hope Nader gets back on the ballot.

8/08/2004

GAME TIME!
ok, i start off with a challenge i would like to present. On the following check, see how many errors you can spot, and add them to the comments. The green boxes are to remove any personal info of Chris's. You can click to enlarge it.

this does also mean Chris remains on the "F9/11 owes Mike money" list, although, I give him credit for trying to get himself off of it. Twice. Bryan is off the list due to Comic-con....so now its changed to Chris's and Jennie's tickets unpaid for...plus the fee from the bounced check. Seriously, why charge me?

moving on...
various issues to toss out there.
Number one: Michael Moore's movie Fahrenheit 9/11 has finally turned up substantial errors. I don't mean the "i disagree with the interpretation of facts here" junk...i mean like outright fabrication. A newspaper page was shown in the beginning about how Gore won according to recounts. The paper never ran that headline, though. It had only been a title of a letter to the editor, and it didn't appear in the paper on the date showed in the movie, or formatted as it was. So, when you're saying that Bush lied because he had bad info, how do you justify activly creating false information and presenting it to the public at the same time? Not saying anything Bush did was good....but there is a definite hypocracy there on Moore's part. The best site I've found to keep up on further issues like this is http://www.moorewatch.com . Some of the other sites, such as MooreLies, have a lot more of unbased criticism and visiable political agenda in what gets posted, but Moorewatch seems to be much more concerned with the truth, however it may play out. I greatly respect that.

Number two: On the war in Iraq, one of the big things is that the media obviously isn't going to give us the straight news as to whats going on there. So its important to have other sources to hear stuff about whats going on. Thanks to MacHall, I came across a blog thats being written by a guy serving in Iraq right now. The particular entry is telling about what happened in some very heavy warfare thats been taking place in last week or so, I believe. Check it out here: http://cbftw.blogspot.com/2004/08/men-in-black.html

Number three: The problems being caused by illegal immigrants in California are on the rise. So theres some good stuff happening on this front. John and Ken are working on getting a Republican out of office as a political sacrifice to get the Republican party back to enforcing laws like the immigration laws. Also, they're working on getting a Democrat out of office.....last name Baca (don't recall first name, offhand) that has been fighting for the rights of illegals over the rights of citizens. For those that just think this is making a big deal out of nothing, an Al-Queda mule was arrested in Texas trying to board a plane to go to New York after having swam across the Rio Grande from Mexico to get into the U.S. She was carrying information that well could have been involved with a new plot against the U.S. and following her arrest, several members of an Al-Queda cell were caught in Mexico. John and Ken can be found at http://www.johnandkenshow.com

Anyways, I'll step back down off my soapbox for now.
Alright, time to get generally updated on stuff in life so that all things are in order. Cuz...for some reason this thing has to be up-to-date. Like a. that makes a difference or b. anyone really cares. lol. Such is the mind of a sorta sometimes obsessive compulsive thats just lazy.

So, I'll start with last weekend. Last Saturday was a movie night that...well, that just sort of fell flat on its face. The idea: Go see the Bourne Supremacy. Personally, didn't care bout the movie...but its been a while since theres been an acdec based thing, so i figured i'd make an exception to policy. The reality: Only me, Sita, Andrew, and some guy I don't know showed up. And Bourne Supremacy and everything else was sold out. So, plans were changed, and after roaming Borders talking politics, things were eventually sorted out to go to Andrew's to watch a movie. It ended up being Dogma, which really is always good. You can't go wrong with Dogma.

Then, days of nothingness. Sometime in the middle of the week my gunbound account was hacked. I lost 140 K gold and a coffin. Had I cared more about avatars, i'd be more bummed...i'm just bugged by the principles of it all. Thursday was a Slurpee run with Bryan and Sam. I also got my copy of Star Wars Insider that goes with getting the subscription, which is cool. And Bryan got his money. He's now out of here....guess he had some debts to pay off with that. (oh the pain of badly quoting star wars)
Friday, did some mailing, including a money order that was to get Star Wars SE on laserdisc. Woot! Useless to me, but at least it will be mine. There will be a picture of all the versions of Star Wars I have after I get that. Also went over to Chris' and played Magic for a couple hours. I did the "Chris picks two numbers, and then that determines what decks we play with" method. So there were three matches...which i think I lost.....1 to 2 at.
Match one: Chris with my zombie deck vs me with my white/blue tapping deck. This was certainly an interesting match, but i never could get the upper hand. That, and that white/blue deck isn't exactly the best thing out there...
Match two: Chris with my land destruction deck vs me with elves. The two decks Chris hates. It was oddly appropriate. My only hope was to get out some elves that could generate mana as soon as i could. This, sadly, proved not to be possible. Or well....when I died, I had enough elves to cast 3 mana a turn. Had that happened 3 turns earlier, it would've been a much different game. That and its a really strong land destruction deck...and a thrown together elf deck.
Match three: Chris with my dragons vs me with my beasts. Good lord this match was cool. Basicly...my beasts took about 7 turns to show up...because before they started getting played, I took the liberty of lowering their costs by 6, so they were coming out big and cheap. I believe it was when the 13/13 showed up chris ran into significant trouble. As I believe he said "I never thought I'd be going through a dragon deck saying 'yeah, but is there anything more powerful than that?' " So that one the win went to me. Fear my beasts.

Saturday...two biggish thigns. Number one. Tom has a car. A 91 or 92 Camaro. Blue. If you see it flee for your lives. Thats right, so he has both a car, and the legality needed to drive it. This is a danger to us all. You have been warned.
Number two. ok...not big, just what i've been up to. Slurpee run with Karl (and no one else, because everyone was busy). Went and got him, we stopped by 7-11 and the Slurpee machine was broken. So we just came back to my house, watched a fixed version of the first 15 minutes of Fahrenheit 9/11 that displays corrected facts where Michael Moore was either incomplete or wrong in his details, then watched three Family Guy commentaries. Or well, watched three episodes while listening to the commentaries. Personally i find them great esp since the voices of the characters are there, so they can add in extra lines in character.

Anyways, that covers things that've been happening....tomorrow I'm going to just make a soapbox post and just through a bunch of ideas and views out there while I pretend that I have an actual audiance. : )

8/04/2004

The Much Awaited Comic-Con Update!

Ok, so its taken days to recover, but lets go back through the last little while. First thing's first. Friday I had to at the last minute get ready for Saturday because I'm just that sort of last minute person. I sent Tim links to webcomics so he could print them out and I gathered the books of anyone I might run into there also. Then I tried to get the mp3 player set up for the drive. Of course, it won't charge. So I went down to best buy, and they said to just replace it, so I know have a 30 GB MP3 player from creative...Nomad Jukebox Zen Xtra. Which rules equally much as my last mp3 player, perhaps moreso. This one is smaller! and still greatly cheaper than an iPod...since ipods are just buying a fancy name and a fad. and thats a total waste of money.

so saturday, i left the house a little before 7 (after being up till like.....3 or so...thanks to Liz), stopped by the bank to get cash and then 7-11 to get coke. good ol' coke. so i had a long drive to san diego. on the way there were things to tell. somewhere still in L.A. county there were two billboards, one on either side of the freeway. One was for "Cherrie's Showgirls" and the other was for "Disneyland." It seemed like an odd sort of thing to see next to one another. I also watched a guy cut in front of me, then go across three lanes in opposite direction around a car, then go back changing lanes again around another car. Crazy drivers. Speaking of crazy drivers, there was this guy down in San Diego county driving a van really weird. He drifted 6 feet in towards the median at one point before correcting himself. Between that and how San Diego would go from 50 or 60 and then go all the way to a dead stop for like a minute before going again meant that there was a great deal of following distance involved here. I did not feel like rear ending someone. I also had this odd moment when I realised that there were only hills to my left and to my right there was this big flat grey area. At some point I realised it was the Pacific Ocean.
I finally reached San Diego and was ahead of schedule. Or so I thought. Of course, thanks to Comic-con, it took me 40 minutes to park. I eventually had to park 6 blocks away, paying $15 for it, and then run to the convention center. One neat note, there were a bunch of volunteers outside trying to get people registered to vote (registered Democratic, I might add) and I give them great props for using the slogan "With great power comes great responsibility." Now that is knowing your target audiance. So, I find the line I need to get in for my pass, and there's a door that says "Entrance==false; Exit==false" and an additional line of code that eludes me. At this point, I know I truely am in my place. Get my pass, and I run into a guy I know from CSUN. He volunteered Friday, and he and his friends then decided to volunteer for Saturday too. Found out that they tried to find a hotel, and the entire west coast was booked up to Anaheim. Thusly, even if I had wanted to and could've afforded it, I couldn't stay there for Sunday. Around here, I also get a call from Bryan, something along the lines of this: "Yeah, I thought that if i was here by 10:30 I'd get some good seats...but theres about 1,000 people here right now" so rather than getting books signed by Kevin J Anderson and his wife, I have to run down to the other end of the convention center. The line was going in when I got there, but still that doesn't mean it was short. I mean, I'd not say it was long, but I could've watched the entire ROTK extended version in the time it took to go through it. Seriously though, so I get in there, and its in a hall that can hold 6500. I finally seek out Bryan, and we've got fairly good seats. Then it was just waiting for Tim and Caroline to get there, and they showed up just barely at the last minute, as the doors were closing and all. It was time for the Star Wars Spectacular.
(Oh my gosh, i've finally reached actual stuff about Comic-con!)

So before hand, there's couple dozen people in costume walking around, even more that have taken seats already. Now that alone just totally rules. On top of that, there's a good dozen lightsabers on in the place. Not the cheezy plastic ones, mind you, I'm talking top of the line Master Replica sabers. Sweet stuff. I saw 4 different colors of saber walk past eachother at once, the closest I'll ever come to seeing the second most awesome scene in I, Jedi for real, the one with the entire rainbow in a lightsaber battle. So plentiful are lightsabers that before it starts, they actually announce to please turn lightsabers off during all video clips. This truely is my heaven.
Starts off with Steve Sansweet coming out, and it jumps right into the good stuff; he mentions how we must be looking forward to the upcoming DVD's and so here's a clip, and naturally, we're expecting OT stuff, but instead, they show a bunch of clips from Ewoks and Droids, the two animated serieses. I love the Ewoks cartoons and I've been dying to get ahold of Droids so i'm cheering like crazy. He then goes on to say that because the fans want it, Ewoks, Droids, and the Ewoks movies are ALL going to be out on DVD in time for Christmas! Lucas is getting so much of my money this year.
They get into the DVD stuff for OT, and they bring out Carrie Fisher, which totally ruled. Both because, good lord, thats Princess Leia, but also because she talked and she's just really funny to listen to, so that made it all the better. They moved through a lot, then brought out both the producer for Episodes 1-3, and then, as an additional surprise, Hayden Christianson, who plays Anakin. Also awesome as none of these people were announced as being there. They do a bit of Q&A here, and there were good questions asked. Someone asked about Jar-Jar being gone...theres a cheer. Someone asked about if Anakin's birth would be explained because she didn't buy the miraculous conception thing...another cheer. Someone asked if its true that Hayden Christianson would be added into parts of Return of the Jedi and they don't give us a 'no'...much booing. I got Bryan to ask Hayden "Is the Dark side stronger?" Wootage on that. Oh, also found out taht we'll be seeing Kashyyyk in episode 3...Wookiee time!
Finally as we reach the end comes the moment we'd not expected till it was hinted at at the beginning of the presentation; we might find out the title for Episode 3. So at the very end, they play this video that goes through all the movies, starting with new hope...by aotc, the suspense is killer. So finally they show some small clips from ep 3, behind the scenes stuff, then they reveal the title, Episode 3 is Revenge of the Sith! People go wild, theres cheering and clapping like crazy. We're the first people in the public to hear the new title. Totally awesome title, both in that it parallels Return of the Jedi, and also how RotJ was announced as Revenge of the Jedi to throw off people trying to make bootleg merchandice. As we're walking out, people are on cell phones throughout the room calling people with the news. It was an amazing atmosphere. Of course, I also make claim that I was probably the first person, doing so before we'd left the room, to realise that Episode 3 will be abbreviated ROTS. this worries me, but only slightly.

With this, I was now off on the great webcomic scavenger hunt inside the main area. In other words, it was time to track down the web comics that I had Tim print out strips for so I could get stuff signed. My first attempt was to get Real Life, as they were close to where the Star Wars spectacular...and nothing else. As they said, they were in Bolivia. So I go there except the artist for it wasn't there. I did, however, find dr. devious vs. lincoln high there, which was the one I didn't know where it was. It was very funny, though, as I don't think he expected anybody to know of his strip, since its a new comic, so when he handed me a flyer to try to get me reading, and I handed back a copy of his first strip and asked him to sign it, he was speechless. Actually, he wasn't. He turned around and was like "someone actually has my strip!" This was very cool. So I get that signed, realising I'd have to come back later to get Real Life taken care of. So me, Bryan and Tim from here head up to the Star Wars pavillion. Which is the biggest pavillion in the convention. Of course. We look around there for a while, then Tim and I head off on a search of webcomics, as he needs MacHall. I get PvP, Penny Arcade, MegaTokyo, Little Gamers all pretty uneventfully. I try but fail at getting Queen of Hearts, unfortunitly. At Goats, he's also surprised to see someone with a printed out copy of his first strip. At MacHall...well, now that was an interesting story. Tim and I get there, and at that time, Matt, the writer from MacHall, isn't there, and the artist wasn't going to be there at all. So the first time we're there, there's like...just someone that works with the strip more behind the scenes or something...also like gf or something to the writer. Theres also this other friend of the strip there. Tim and I talk to em a bit to find out when Matt'll be back, and somehow food comes up, something how as the afformentioned not related to the strip person has a hot dog. I don't know quite how the conversation went between her and me, but it went something like this:
me: I just save money by not eating while I'm here
her: You want some of this?
me: nah i'm good
her: you sure? I haven't bit the other end
me: i'm fine
her: you can start at that end, i'll work from this end.
her: we can meet in the middle!
me: ........
her: aww he's blushing!
person from machall: don't alienate our readers!
anyways, so tim and i left there for a while, to return at a later point, Matt still not there. So we talk to the MacHall person again (i'm sure tim will be filling in a name at some point here), and he gets to asking about how many business cards he'd have to eat to break the record. This led to a general attempt to determine if the business cards are toxic. I think the final determination was "yes". Finally matt showed up and we got stuff signed.

Anyways, we meet up with bryan again, and then I guess Bryan had called Jennie, so we all met outside the convention center to figure out what to do as far as food was concerned. I pushed for just eating in downtown San Diego, but the final decision ended up walking a few blocks north to a Wendy's. The cool thing about this is that there are stormtroopers, and characters from animes, and video games and all sorts of costumes just casually walking around downtown San Diego. Totally awesome. anyways, we eat, we head back, and Bryan wanted to go over to where little gamers was. So since I have my awesome map of the place marked with all the important stuff, I lead us back there, then checked by Keenspace for Queen of Wands, but no luck. Tim and Bryan had already headed off for macHall, followed then by Jennie, so I decided I'd make the trek back to Real Life. I head up there and get Greg of Real Life to sign a strip, which was interesting for a few things. Number one, he really looked like his character. Compare this to Tycho and Gabe. I just found it interesting. Number two, the guy from Dr Devious still remembered me and I was told that I'd made his day for bringing in his strip. Greg also, when handing the comic back, spotted that I had a map and checked it out. There seemed to be a general sort of surprise as to just how prepared I'd been in that sense. I might scan a small version later to show what I had. He then proceded to show me on the map how just about an aisle away from him there was the naked hentai orgy booth after there was some general talking about how he was so far away from all the other webcomics. Just cool to have a small bit of casual small talk. Though yeah, he was surrounded by like, the people that have a career just drawing naked women and stuff like that. Creepy, creepy stuff. So then I try to call Bryan. Much to my great surprise, my phone no longer works. Yay me. Or rather, it can receive calls, as i'd been doing that...I just can't call out.
So at this point, i'm trying to call frequently hoping to get ahold of bryan. I decide to head north, hoping to find them. On the way, I see wizards of the coast booth, and i wanted to see what they had going for Magic: The Gathering. then a problem arises. there happens to be this large line blocking my way. So I decide to walk around it. I reach the guy at the end and he asks me if I want to get in line. I ask what for, and he tells me that Carrie Fisher is signing autographs for free from 6 to 7. I just sort of stand there for a moment as my brain tries to check this, as Carrie Fisher had been signing them for like....45 dollars over at the Star Wars pavillion earlier. Of course, I jump in line. The whole time, I'm trying to call Bryan about this as this is really cool. 30 minutes later, i've gotten an autographed picture of Carrie Fisher for free. Sweeet!! So, still not knowing where anyone is, I wander over to the Star Wars pavillion. I go to the starwarsshop.com area and after a few minutes of waiting, see Steve Sansweet walking out from the behind-the-counter area. Taking my chance, I manage to stop him, and get him to sign "I'd rather kiss a wookiee" which is a book of the quotable star wars that he'd compiled. I get a whole little message, nothing terribly personal, but still, it totally ruled! Having no better idea on what to do, and already having a ticket for the Masqurade courtesey of Bryan, I head up to where that's going to be and get in the line at about 7, with doors opening at 7:45. I spend the whole time in line trying to call someone, or hoping that they'd call me, but no luck. You're all so totally, totally uncool. j/k.
Anyways, get inside, and got a fairly good seat. Was sitting next to someone that had said she was originally going to be in the Costume competition but had to drop out. she would have been Padme at entry #9. Anyways, it was good talking to her since she happened to be a fellow Star Wars fan so it was a good discussion. She'd also apparently found a draft of ESB, which is awesome. Which led to her pulling out a copy of the Annotated Screenplays, or something like that. the title elludes me, but it was a book i knew, and was discussed. talks about all the changes made working up successive drafts of the movies. Also, it was a conversation in which I could say that I have the entire Star Wars collector's glasses set and have someone be jealous. Cuz i said it here, but y'all got no sense of what that means.

So the masquarade kicks off, but before hand they played trailers. Only one worth mentioning here is that they had a teaser for Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, which had like the biggest fan responce, as it shows the earth being zoomed out on while "What a Wonderful World" plays, then it explodes, then it stops and says "Don't Panic!" with a 42 made out of stars. It looks like that might be good. We'll see. There were some great star wars costumes, of course, the ones that bear mention though...one was a tusken raider that came out to a golf ball with a gaffi stick, yelled, then a jawa comes out, and he hands over the gaffi stick and takes a club, then procedes to hit the golf ball. which i liked. There was also a really awesome artoo costume, that nearly overtook the yells for "Beast Boy" (one of the first contestants) to come back with chants of "artoo". Also a take off of the bad motivator bit that involved a bender costume in otherwise all star wars costumes, so that was also a pretty big hit, it seemed.
After a whole 52 or 55 entries, the judges left to choose who would win. It was supposed to take just half an hour, during which they'd arranged something with Lucasfilm so that they could play some fanfilms to fill the time. This was very awesome. Especially since it started off with Christmas Tauntaun. got to love that one. The only one that strikes me as new to me, unless I'm forgetting one, was Pink 5, which was pretty good. Track it down, all of you, if you've not seen it already. Anyways, not wanting to walk through downtown San Diego all that late, I finally left at around 11, not knowing who won.
My cell still down, I wasn't able to call home to let em know I was on my way, but so I had to set about finding my way back to the freeway first of all. Once I did get back to a freeway, the 5 went down to only one lane at a point, thanks to road construction. this was a very bad thing, as staying awake was hard enough as it was without being hardly moving. Finally I got moving at good speeds and the rest of the drive home was thankfully uneventful. Because, at those times, an eventful drive would've involved me hitting the median or another car. These are outside the definitions of traditional "good" things. I got home somewhere in the neighborhood of 2:30 and totally screwed my sleep cycle up by not being able to get to sleep for some time following.
To those of you that managed to struggle through all that, I commend you, and I implore you to leave a comment glorifying yourself for having successfully made it through what would have been in Word 6 pages and over 3,000..um...words.
The Force will be with you, always.
(note: started on 7/27. then done in installments.)

8/02/2004

Its 3 am, i should be finishing up the comic-con report currently in draft form, but i'm not. i should be working on getting the fire pics up, but i'm not. heck, i should be sleeping, but i'm not.
instead, i'm thinking. i hate the way my brain works.

Why is it I enter into things I don't think I'll come away from well? Its like I put myself in situations that I know are going to destroy me. I spent over 2 years waiting, knowing that eventually the other shoe would drop before it finally did. Waiting to be told what I knew was true but didn't want to admit; that i'd created something in my mind that wasn't what the situation was really like. that i thought things would happen that never really would. and so it crushed my spirit. of course, i figured that, hey, at least i'd gotten that taken care of and i wouldn't be stupid enough to have hope or faith in emotions again. i considered it a step forward for me. i'd been in a spot where i'd accepted i wouldn't have happiness, then i risked it, i screwed it up, realised it wasn't going to be happening for me, accepted it, and moved on.

Then, I do it to myself again. Its not that I don't feel untrue to myself, its just I can't help but wonder, "How long till the shoe drops this time?" How long do I have to wait till another person realises that I'm a second-rate waste of time, sees they can do better, and moves on? Thats what I don't get about myself. I know i'm not the sort of person that things are meant to work out for. Just sort of the way my karma goes. But even though I know this, I still let emotions get the best of me. My life would be so much easier if i could just live by my pessimistic side and not let myself have hope. It all crashes down around me, sooner or later, so why bother? I don't know when this shoe will drop this time...when I'll be more or less asked to forget what I've felt because its convienient, but I can't shake the feeling that that could just be around the next corner.

Its similar to that, why do I even bother to establish friendships in the first place? I'm not the type of person, on the whole, that people look forward to hanging out with. I know that. I'm not the sort of person that can just go with the moment, I'm always thinking. And that leads to me being critical, or second guessing doing stuff. And this bugs people. And I suppose I'm just not into most things that involve social stuff. I guess just since, depending on the circumstance, I don't like being around larger groups of people. Mainly when I have to interact with them and its not on my terms, I suppose. I've got an abrasive personality, and i'm a jerk. I've heard both more than enough times over the last few years alone. And yet, I create friendships that for the most part seem destined to lead to some sort of bad falling out. And the longer the friendship, the worse those are. Maybe theres some meaning in that. I don't have that many people that fade away from my life...its more violent explosions that do it. And its that feeling like, the next one's just around the corner. And its not something I can take.

I'm still waiting to fail out of CSUN. It hasn't happened yet, but as the new year approaches, I just keep wondering how long till they kick me out. How long till I do another thing to screw up my life, like I've not done that enough times over past years. And it seems like, when I'm not activly destroying myself, I'm just losing control of myself. There's so much I wish I'd done, so much I want to be doing, and just, I can't. Its total lack of willpower. And that frustrates me. I've tried, but I can never get myself going strongly in a new direction. I'm a creature that survives in a static world, and I can't create a dynamic one. All these paths I've started down, but turned back before doing anything significant. Astronomy I seem to have just lost the time for, or maybe its that I prefer being home at night now. I don't know. Photography I almost had momentum going, but I don't find my muse anymore as far as what to take pictures of. Or well, I take that back, a couple weeks ago, I hurried outside because the light coming in through a window seemed like it would be a good sunset. The pictures were horrible though. I keep wanting to write. I keep wanting to write something real, something significant. But thats always eluded me. My poetry is the sort of total trash that gives teens a bad name, with just a bunch of poorly rhymed lines, half the time just about the problems with life, even though I know that compared to some, I've had it easy. Journalism is still just a dream. I want to do something with that, to be able to write stong journalistic articles, and to be proud of them. But I need the training, and I need to get the chance to have a place to write them for. Journalism in my past has, with only about a year's exception, been a total joke. There wasn't even a chance for growth there. I've been considering trying to write essays, and did write one. But its more a rambling train of thought than anything that would actually be noteworthy. But I also don't know how I'd formulate it into something more cohesive. And I can't get myself to write further. Finally, there's fiction. My most lofty of goals. The one that fell flat on its face. It would've been neat to have done, but the downside is that I outright can't write like that. i can't do narrative, but I can't do dialogue especially. Heck, I can't even talk well on my own, when its just what seems right for me to say and i'm only providing half the conversation. I'm hopless when I have to write what someone else would be saying.

And so I continue to let my life spin out of control. The worst part is, the more I pull inside myself, the more I pull back and away from my failures, socially, emotionally, and overall life failures, the faster I spin, the faster I feel like I'm losing control.

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