4/30/2004
well, cats out of the bag, so to speak......so i figured an entry was needed....
today of course marks two of the most horrific events of our generation. the first being last year, which featured karl, in a thong, terrorising people. of course, the story will never be forgotten of my daring escape around the block after outrunning karl, then clearing a wall, jumping into a tree, dropping over a fence, and running to sancuary, arriving covered in blood. the scars remain to this day, both emotionally and physically.
the other, of course, needs no introduction....so of course, i'm gonna give it one.....it was the events that transpired 19 years ago that led to me being able to describe it as one of the most horrific events of our generation... namely the event that led me to be part of our generation period. i speak of none other than the date i was born.....perhaps my most influential and disasterous mistake to date. keep in mind this also meant the prior event had to happen on my 18th birthday. dang.
as for other stuf....lets see......nothing really has happened since monday. i had a calc midterm i did horrible on.......made $250 this week, which is nice..... and otherwise really not done anything. good ol' school/work system going here. so now its weekend time...so i can go with the other good plan....the sleep/unreal system. though, that probably ain't gonna work right. its worth a shot though. and remember, russian roulette is always worth a shot.
today of course marks two of the most horrific events of our generation. the first being last year, which featured karl, in a thong, terrorising people. of course, the story will never be forgotten of my daring escape around the block after outrunning karl, then clearing a wall, jumping into a tree, dropping over a fence, and running to sancuary, arriving covered in blood. the scars remain to this day, both emotionally and physically.
the other, of course, needs no introduction....so of course, i'm gonna give it one.....it was the events that transpired 19 years ago that led to me being able to describe it as one of the most horrific events of our generation... namely the event that led me to be part of our generation period. i speak of none other than the date i was born.....perhaps my most influential and disasterous mistake to date. keep in mind this also meant the prior event had to happen on my 18th birthday. dang.
as for other stuf....lets see......nothing really has happened since monday. i had a calc midterm i did horrible on.......made $250 this week, which is nice..... and otherwise really not done anything. good ol' school/work system going here. so now its weekend time...so i can go with the other good plan....the sleep/unreal system. though, that probably ain't gonna work right. its worth a shot though. and remember, russian roulette is always worth a shot.
4/26/2004
today...had a midterm, thats about it today taht counts. though, thanks to a link a while back from loren, and then the extreme insistance of jennie, a forum has been created for kicks. amungst other things, it'll be connected to my website too, since that makes a good base of operations. all are welcome.
http://cleveronlynot.proboards25.com/
http://cleveronlynot.proboards25.com/
nothing big to comment here. i do, though, have the poems section of my website done up all fancy like now. and i've moved the link to it up so that you can see it, for those people taht didn't figure out to scroll down. so go ahead and check it out through the link to my site, or click here to go to the main page of the poems section directly. comments and hecklings are welcomed and encouraged. for those really bold, try to give your own interpretations of what i meant, but remember i do have the answer key, so to speak.
also look for journalism articles to be the next to go up, i've a good 10 or so, some that were published and some that weren't
also look for journalism articles to be the next to go up, i've a good 10 or so, some that were published and some that weren't
4/25/2004
today was the end of a pretty fun astronomy day. i was at the library helping out from....i think noon till 11 pm. maybe i was there earlier, i don't remember quite. that was a long time ago. i brought all my astronomy related books, which is a frightening amount, and it really didn't get much attention. then again, we just had some major publicity issues. still though, it was fun to be around the group again, talk with some of the people that i've not seen for a while and practically raised me in astronomy, even though theres a lot of newer people as well now. mostly i kept an eye on my books and talked and sat in on lectures....though, i did also scope-sit a bit while one of the guys was in making comets. granted, i really didn't know much about how to realign his telescope so i wasn't effective there, but other than that i was alright. i really miss the old fashioned types that just had a knob or two, not this new motorised stuff. or a dobsonian, i need one of those. i need a lot of things now. but so did a lot of talking both astronomically, and just, stuff in general so it was a good day. even if for an astronomy day it was on the quiet side.
and of course, now that i've been home theres nothing to do since kristal, chris, and bryan are all at jennie's for chris' birthday, and no one else is online for the most part....and no one much talks to me at these sorts of times of night on a weekend. well, exception being liz, but shes still in london and thusly i've got no one to hassle.
and of course, now that i've been home theres nothing to do since kristal, chris, and bryan are all at jennie's for chris' birthday, and no one else is online for the most part....and no one much talks to me at these sorts of times of night on a weekend. well, exception being liz, but shes still in london and thusly i've got no one to hassle.
4/23/2004
Another weekend here.......sign that i'm a week closer to the end of the semester and the whole, summer vacation thing. i've got no idea what i'm going to be doing this summer.....since, up till feb, i was planning on an actual vacation for a couple months. its something i'd still like to do, but isn't feasible anymore. i've looked at what i can take classwise, but there's nothing that i need or want to take that's offered over summer. if that's for csun, i'm pretty sure same goes for coc. and i won't be working as far as my current situation goes, since during summer vacation the need for tutoring seems to go down. fancy that. i'll probably just end up getting a job and spending much of my time just trying to save up money for some pointless reason.
its a real bummer of a situation...there's...things i want to do but can't, things that'd be productive but aren't available to me, and then there's just working. maybe i can get a job at a bookstore or something nice. or i'll just spend all summer sitting around my house like i used to spend em. that'll be a kick.
suggestions anyone?
its a real bummer of a situation...there's...things i want to do but can't, things that'd be productive but aren't available to me, and then there's just working. maybe i can get a job at a bookstore or something nice. or i'll just spend all summer sitting around my house like i used to spend em. that'll be a kick.
suggestions anyone?
4/21/2004
lets see....last few days whats happened......monday, i think i just had school and work....nothing particularly unique about that. tuesday, well, i forgot to get up for school. so i was home all day being hassled about how i should be listening to hanson. and it continues. then i had 3 cancelations, so i only had one actual session of tutoring last night. well, and kristal as a special favour. i just rule like that.
then today was another one of those long days that includes me leading an informal chem discussion outsid my lab because no one is getting anything out of the lab. i sorta wish i'd get paid for that. heh. then i've been home and got the poems section of my web page up. for the most part. so please, check them out, heckle, criticise, or what else have you. and of coruse, nearly all of them are in need of good titles, so those'll help too. i think the journalism section will be next up. just since, the other sections involve me writing and not just using copy-paste. i am so lazy.
then today was another one of those long days that includes me leading an informal chem discussion outsid my lab because no one is getting anything out of the lab. i sorta wish i'd get paid for that. heh. then i've been home and got the poems section of my web page up. for the most part. so please, check them out, heckle, criticise, or what else have you. and of coruse, nearly all of them are in need of good titles, so those'll help too. i think the journalism section will be next up. just since, the other sections involve me writing and not just using copy-paste. i am so lazy.
4/18/2004
some days are just so eventful that i've got to post when thee memories are fresh.
so....i get up late, and get told i'm going to best buy by jennie. so i get ready quickly, and she and kristal show up, and then we get chris, and then go to best buy. i got unreal, scooby doo, and blue collar comedy tour. all things i was gonna end up buying anyways. so from there, it was over to office max since kristal wanted a book case. this suited me just fine as i needed to get more markers for work anyways.
went across to greenhouse cafe to get lunch, then, i think was barnes and noble, where had i spent anything, i'd have spent a good 125 dollars. thankfully, i didn't. then we went to good will so kristal could look at book cases there.....she found one she wanted, so jennie drove me back to my house to get the chupathingie and return to the good will. put the back seat down, and we managed to get the book case in the back somewhat, tie the back down a bit, and then get it to kristal's by having kristal in the back holding on to it, and jennie in passenger seat also holding it. we fetched chris and jennie's car and got back to kristal's, and then everything went crazy, in some ordered fashion.
jennie started by tieing chris' legs together.....then, his wrists and arms. then they used tape. something rather funny about chris yelling for help from passing cars as two girls are binding his wrists together. so....while this is going on, i call bryan to get there with his digital camera. which he does. jennie and kristal finally finish their project and, after a failed attempt by chris to hop away somewhere, allow him to try to escape. so hes standing on a street corner tied up trying to free himself with cars going by. at some point, a cop drove by even. glorious. he ended up freeing himself at around 18 minutes. which really impressed me since, i didn't think he'd manage. but obviously he did.
as compensation, he got hugs from jennie and kristal, and we treated him to ice cream at 31 flavours. so, it all balanced out. and he's learned his lesson.
so....i get up late, and get told i'm going to best buy by jennie. so i get ready quickly, and she and kristal show up, and then we get chris, and then go to best buy. i got unreal, scooby doo, and blue collar comedy tour. all things i was gonna end up buying anyways. so from there, it was over to office max since kristal wanted a book case. this suited me just fine as i needed to get more markers for work anyways.
went across to greenhouse cafe to get lunch, then, i think was barnes and noble, where had i spent anything, i'd have spent a good 125 dollars. thankfully, i didn't. then we went to good will so kristal could look at book cases there.....she found one she wanted, so jennie drove me back to my house to get the chupathingie and return to the good will. put the back seat down, and we managed to get the book case in the back somewhat, tie the back down a bit, and then get it to kristal's by having kristal in the back holding on to it, and jennie in passenger seat also holding it. we fetched chris and jennie's car and got back to kristal's, and then everything went crazy, in some ordered fashion.
jennie started by tieing chris' legs together.....then, his wrists and arms. then they used tape. something rather funny about chris yelling for help from passing cars as two girls are binding his wrists together. so....while this is going on, i call bryan to get there with his digital camera. which he does. jennie and kristal finally finish their project and, after a failed attempt by chris to hop away somewhere, allow him to try to escape. so hes standing on a street corner tied up trying to free himself with cars going by. at some point, a cop drove by even. glorious. he ended up freeing himself at around 18 minutes. which really impressed me since, i didn't think he'd manage. but obviously he did.
as compensation, he got hugs from jennie and kristal, and we treated him to ice cream at 31 flavours. so, it all balanced out. and he's learned his lesson.
heh....i thought i had an idea of what was gonna happen.
ok, so yesterday, went out to get kristal, and then the tickets, to find out that chris had been invited along since he had nothing else to do just on the errands bit. so, after some detours with getting chris, we get to the mall and get the tickets, and as we're picking up food, i'm realising that there won't be enough time for spaceballs. somewhere in here the point is finally made that chris was gonna come to the john dobson talk that night.....like, i think, it was on his part assumed or something. not that i object....just, i like to know these things. anyways, get back to my house, short on time so i put in some python stuff instead that we watched for only half an hour until the dvd playback was just so bad that i stopped it (ok, well rather, kristal told me too...same deal). so, instead, i just had my zombies tear apart chris and my dragon deck, and then we left for moorpark out past semi valley.
so we get out there after a long drive and find moorpark college, and rather quickly find where on campus the talk is supposed to be.....at 7:30, when it was supposed to start, we call the phone number listed and find out taht its been moved. good job letting us know people! so we get over there, find seats, and got to hear john dobson talk about his theory of the universe, and the big bang, and all those sorts of things. for those of you that don't know, john dobson is like, the amateur astronomy god and on top of that, just a totally awesome guy that i met....about....12 years ago. so we come home from that, stop by denny's on the way for dinner, and i got to spend much of last night very sick. plus side, i also read a great deal of da vinci code. minus side, i was doing taht till.....3:30 or so.
so then today i was up at around 8:35, and out of the house and over to kristal's by 8:50 to go to the book sale that was at the public library. after getting her, it came up that apparently chris was going, and no one ever really told me i was supposed to get him. so we detour to his house....and he wasn't ready. going on without him, we got to the sale at like....9:25. 15 minutes later, kristal had two full boxes worth of books. so she spent like $40 on all that, and then i dropped her off at work, keeping the books in the back of the chupathingie (she also had left a jacket in there) and came home. went right to bed, and after falling asleep somewhere around 11:30 or 12, woke up again around 2. got right back to da vinci code, and finished it this afternoon. that book ruled. i recommend it to all.
so then went and picked up chris, then kristal for kill bill. kristal's brother also came with. so, got to edwards where ran into emil, then headed for the theatre itself and we got second row seats. jennie and her brother later showed up just before it started....and then kill bill 2 just totally ruled. it is, however, important to note that after what chris did, he will be in much trouble in future. then from there we went and picked up food at wood ranch after much confusion, stopped by jennie's appartment for a little, and then i dropped off everyone and returned home to sit around and do nothing. which at least i'm good at.
also to add.....the web page has been updated, somewhat. check it out! not actual content, but a framework
ok, so yesterday, went out to get kristal, and then the tickets, to find out that chris had been invited along since he had nothing else to do just on the errands bit. so, after some detours with getting chris, we get to the mall and get the tickets, and as we're picking up food, i'm realising that there won't be enough time for spaceballs. somewhere in here the point is finally made that chris was gonna come to the john dobson talk that night.....like, i think, it was on his part assumed or something. not that i object....just, i like to know these things. anyways, get back to my house, short on time so i put in some python stuff instead that we watched for only half an hour until the dvd playback was just so bad that i stopped it (ok, well rather, kristal told me too...same deal). so, instead, i just had my zombies tear apart chris and my dragon deck, and then we left for moorpark out past semi valley.
so we get out there after a long drive and find moorpark college, and rather quickly find where on campus the talk is supposed to be.....at 7:30, when it was supposed to start, we call the phone number listed and find out taht its been moved. good job letting us know people! so we get over there, find seats, and got to hear john dobson talk about his theory of the universe, and the big bang, and all those sorts of things. for those of you that don't know, john dobson is like, the amateur astronomy god and on top of that, just a totally awesome guy that i met....about....12 years ago. so we come home from that, stop by denny's on the way for dinner, and i got to spend much of last night very sick. plus side, i also read a great deal of da vinci code. minus side, i was doing taht till.....3:30 or so.
so then today i was up at around 8:35, and out of the house and over to kristal's by 8:50 to go to the book sale that was at the public library. after getting her, it came up that apparently chris was going, and no one ever really told me i was supposed to get him. so we detour to his house....and he wasn't ready. going on without him, we got to the sale at like....9:25. 15 minutes later, kristal had two full boxes worth of books. so she spent like $40 on all that, and then i dropped her off at work, keeping the books in the back of the chupathingie (she also had left a jacket in there) and came home. went right to bed, and after falling asleep somewhere around 11:30 or 12, woke up again around 2. got right back to da vinci code, and finished it this afternoon. that book ruled. i recommend it to all.
so then went and picked up chris, then kristal for kill bill. kristal's brother also came with. so, got to edwards where ran into emil, then headed for the theatre itself and we got second row seats. jennie and her brother later showed up just before it started....and then kill bill 2 just totally ruled. it is, however, important to note that after what chris did, he will be in much trouble in future. then from there we went and picked up food at wood ranch after much confusion, stopped by jennie's appartment for a little, and then i dropped off everyone and returned home to sit around and do nothing. which at least i'm good at.
also to add.....the web page has been updated, somewhat. check it out! not actual content, but a framework
4/16/2004
my how i've been busy. thursday, i didn't bother with class so i could stay home and read something positive (link at my site) and then i only had to work for an hour in the afternoon and i did no homework even though i should have. then, there was a slurpee run that night, which was fun. and i got a copy of weekly world that had their yearly titanic story, as well as a star wars story. sort of ironic in some sense.
today, as it is friday, i only went to my first two classes, got tired of it, and came home before calc. updates are now at my website, though its not much of an update. located here: http://www.hyperjump.net/lowbacca/index.html
looking at the weekend.....looks like watching spaceballs and going to a talk tonight with kristal.....and then kill bill tomorrow night with chris and kristal. updates on those after the thigns happen
today, as it is friday, i only went to my first two classes, got tired of it, and came home before calc. updates are now at my website, though its not much of an update. located here: http://www.hyperjump.net/lowbacca/index.html
looking at the weekend.....looks like watching spaceballs and going to a talk tonight with kristal.....and then kill bill tomorrow night with chris and kristal. updates on those after the thigns happen
4/15/2004
so, an update from sunday to now.....
sunday, as it was easter and all, saw the afixing of the buddy christ to my dashboard, as shown here
this of course makes the chupathingie just that much more awesome.
then the rest of the day consisted of going to jennie's.....then about an hour later, going to get chris and kristal and returning to jennie's with them whilst jennie stayed at her appartment.
monday was back to school......long days again....and back to work as well. long days are here again. though, i did take kristal out for ice cream before i had to be to work. so that was a nice break in what would've otherwise been a routine day. that, and going to saugus cafe that night since it got me out of the house, what with tom's term paper and all.
tuesday........eh, tuesday was tuesday. i'm just gonna skip past anything further about that. just worked.
today....my longest day of the week. ive finally discovered why chem labs take me so long. i'm anwering questions for half the time i'm in there. i mean, i don't mind, but i didn't realise just how much time that consumes. theres a lesson here. and then of course, more work. and of course getting in trouble for stopping by kristals and not being home till like 11....but whats a day if i don't get yelled at by my parents for something? that, and....well, things needed to be discussed. for those tracking....i'm just about ready to concede to the arguments of those feeling i should seek professional help at this point. it just worries me since......last few months aside....i'm not the sort of person that can really open up to anyone.....let alone someone i don't know. and more than that.....i've never felt comfortable discussing my problems in the past, i've always sort of....well, i don't talk about them with others, i just try to deal with them myself. always would get guilty thinking about bothering anyone else with things going on with me. heck, i still feel that way, just now...the need to talk about recent things has been stronger than the guilt, but the guilt is still there.
i don't know why i'm like that......no matter what happens, i always see myself as being guilty.....no matter the circumstances. someone gets angry for me off of something they did, i feel guilty......friendships fall apart after i've tried to preserve them, i feel guilty.....heck, back in 6th, when someone my grade was killed, i felt guilty that it happened to him and not me. whats worse is.... i let it control me so much that i end up feeling like i owe people simply for their ever being around or talking to me.
i guess the guilt is just compounded when one knows that someone one cares about is going through hard times, yet one can't do anything, nor would it be right to. i've always hated ineffectiveness. its just somehow fitting then that so much of my life has seemed to be nothing but me being ineffective.
sunday, as it was easter and all, saw the afixing of the buddy christ to my dashboard, as shown here
this of course makes the chupathingie just that much more awesome.
then the rest of the day consisted of going to jennie's.....then about an hour later, going to get chris and kristal and returning to jennie's with them whilst jennie stayed at her appartment.
monday was back to school......long days again....and back to work as well. long days are here again. though, i did take kristal out for ice cream before i had to be to work. so that was a nice break in what would've otherwise been a routine day. that, and going to saugus cafe that night since it got me out of the house, what with tom's term paper and all.
tuesday........eh, tuesday was tuesday. i'm just gonna skip past anything further about that. just worked.
today....my longest day of the week. ive finally discovered why chem labs take me so long. i'm anwering questions for half the time i'm in there. i mean, i don't mind, but i didn't realise just how much time that consumes. theres a lesson here. and then of course, more work. and of course getting in trouble for stopping by kristals and not being home till like 11....but whats a day if i don't get yelled at by my parents for something? that, and....well, things needed to be discussed. for those tracking....i'm just about ready to concede to the arguments of those feeling i should seek professional help at this point. it just worries me since......last few months aside....i'm not the sort of person that can really open up to anyone.....let alone someone i don't know. and more than that.....i've never felt comfortable discussing my problems in the past, i've always sort of....well, i don't talk about them with others, i just try to deal with them myself. always would get guilty thinking about bothering anyone else with things going on with me. heck, i still feel that way, just now...the need to talk about recent things has been stronger than the guilt, but the guilt is still there.
i don't know why i'm like that......no matter what happens, i always see myself as being guilty.....no matter the circumstances. someone gets angry for me off of something they did, i feel guilty......friendships fall apart after i've tried to preserve them, i feel guilty.....heck, back in 6th, when someone my grade was killed, i felt guilty that it happened to him and not me. whats worse is.... i let it control me so much that i end up feeling like i owe people simply for their ever being around or talking to me.
i guess the guilt is just compounded when one knows that someone one cares about is going through hard times, yet one can't do anything, nor would it be right to. i've always hated ineffectiveness. its just somehow fitting then that so much of my life has seemed to be nothing but me being ineffective.
4/11/2004
the prior post was supposed to be up at like 2:30...but it didn't work.....so heres the day since then.
went and got jennie this afternoon....we went to brave new world, and i bought three star wars graphic novels or whatever (though i'd aimed to buy none, cursed temptation) and of course, i also got the "buddy christ" to go into the chupathingie because, well, why not. so this was like.....$60 right there. so we drive back to my house, kill some time, then round up chris and bryan and go to dinner at wood ranch over on the old road. now, by some mystical coincidence, i happened to have had dinner at the wood ranch before. a different one. back in december, sam and i had had dinner at a place down in beverly hills before we saw big fish that happened to have also been a wood ranch. wierd stuff. i got sick both times, too......i think theres a lesson there. i just totally rule, since i decided to cover the bill...so that was another $70. so then after that....dropped everyone off, came home and read my new star wars stuff. aint that exciting.
went and got jennie this afternoon....we went to brave new world, and i bought three star wars graphic novels or whatever (though i'd aimed to buy none, cursed temptation) and of course, i also got the "buddy christ" to go into the chupathingie because, well, why not. so this was like.....$60 right there. so we drive back to my house, kill some time, then round up chris and bryan and go to dinner at wood ranch over on the old road. now, by some mystical coincidence, i happened to have had dinner at the wood ranch before. a different one. back in december, sam and i had had dinner at a place down in beverly hills before we saw big fish that happened to have also been a wood ranch. wierd stuff. i got sick both times, too......i think theres a lesson there. i just totally rule, since i decided to cover the bill...so that was another $70. so then after that....dropped everyone off, came home and read my new star wars stuff. aint that exciting.
ok...now for a real update type thing.......since its been nearly a week since i've posted anything of substance here.
so, much of monday and tuesday i don't remember, so i'm gonna skip over those. actually, no, i think tuesday, chris got stuck at the mall and needed a ride so i had to go get him and then we went to jennies. stopped at a 7-11 on the way since she needed candy, and found two very odd things there. the first was that they had pins from the 2002 winter olympics in salt lake city on sale. i didn't even know 7-11's were selling those at the time, let alone now. the other thing is that there was a chcolate brand i've not seen in a long time...a long time. apparently, this particular 7-11 had a chocolate bar called a...if i remember right.....a violet crumble. something like that. either way, the name seemed familiar so i grabbed one to check the wrapper, and sure enough, on the other side, it said "australia's favourite chocolate bar." or something like that. either way, i was surprised to see it. taunting, but even with that, i still found it rather cool to see. then we just hung out at her appartment for a while.
wednesday, me jennie and bryan went down to northridge to have dinner at shakey's which i paid for and drove to. just because, you know, i rule. to roughly quote bryan "is it a good idea to kill a queen when she is....i'm just gonna kill her."
thursday, thursday day i went with my mom, my brother and my cousin down to UCI. tim gave them the tour....i looked at where i coulda gone if i wasn't poor. i could go a lot of places if i wasn't poor. oh well. so then.....on way home, had lunch at downtown disney. and sam thought the places I took her were too tacky. heh. then...like...10 minutes after i got home, i was out again to watch evening with kevin smith with andria. which was cool esp since......i don't think i've ever done a "social" thing with her. so yeah, it was fun, and its kevin smith, so that always rules.
friday.....was home for most of the day, then once jennie finally got off work....people were picked up, and we ended up at chris' house in the end, after getting food. (i actually ate a meal by choice...theres a first). so, we watched some red vs blue......then played a bunch of halo. only real exception was when jennie and i headed out to her car to give chris and bryan some private time for like....an hour or something. and that was like....1-2 in the morning or something. hadn't realised it'd gotten that late. so i ended up getting homeat like 2:40...so that surprised parents. i didn't even get yelled at though. heh.
so now, its saturday, and i'm off to grab people.
eew...not like that. you all have sick minds.
yes, even you
so, much of monday and tuesday i don't remember, so i'm gonna skip over those. actually, no, i think tuesday, chris got stuck at the mall and needed a ride so i had to go get him and then we went to jennies. stopped at a 7-11 on the way since she needed candy, and found two very odd things there. the first was that they had pins from the 2002 winter olympics in salt lake city on sale. i didn't even know 7-11's were selling those at the time, let alone now. the other thing is that there was a chcolate brand i've not seen in a long time...a long time. apparently, this particular 7-11 had a chocolate bar called a...if i remember right.....a violet crumble. something like that. either way, the name seemed familiar so i grabbed one to check the wrapper, and sure enough, on the other side, it said "australia's favourite chocolate bar." or something like that. either way, i was surprised to see it. taunting, but even with that, i still found it rather cool to see. then we just hung out at her appartment for a while.
wednesday, me jennie and bryan went down to northridge to have dinner at shakey's which i paid for and drove to. just because, you know, i rule. to roughly quote bryan "is it a good idea to kill a queen when she is....i'm just gonna kill her."
thursday, thursday day i went with my mom, my brother and my cousin down to UCI. tim gave them the tour....i looked at where i coulda gone if i wasn't poor. i could go a lot of places if i wasn't poor. oh well. so then.....on way home, had lunch at downtown disney. and sam thought the places I took her were too tacky. heh. then...like...10 minutes after i got home, i was out again to watch evening with kevin smith with andria. which was cool esp since......i don't think i've ever done a "social" thing with her. so yeah, it was fun, and its kevin smith, so that always rules.
friday.....was home for most of the day, then once jennie finally got off work....people were picked up, and we ended up at chris' house in the end, after getting food. (i actually ate a meal by choice...theres a first). so, we watched some red vs blue......then played a bunch of halo. only real exception was when jennie and i headed out to her car to give chris and bryan some private time for like....an hour or something. and that was like....1-2 in the morning or something. hadn't realised it'd gotten that late. so i ended up getting homeat like 2:40...so that surprised parents. i didn't even get yelled at though. heh.
so now, its saturday, and i'm off to grab people.
eew...not like that. you all have sick minds.
yes, even you
4/09/2004
well....i'm not up for a thought inducing rant of past days, that'll come tomorrow....so i figured i'd do this
[What time are you starting this?:] 12:42 am
[Name?] Michael Lund
[Date of birth?:] April 30, 1985
[Height?:] 5'8" i think, give or take an inch
[Eye color?:] blue and probably bloodshpt
[Location?:] Valencia
[Where were you born?:] Valencia
[Have you ever failed a grade?:] no
[Do you have a crush on someone?:] obvious answer there
[Do you have a bf/gf?:] not at all
[If so, what is their name:] n/a
[What are you wearing right now?] pyjamas
[Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?] never
[Do you smoke?:] never have, never will
[Do you drink?:] never have, never will
[What are your favorite colors?:] black and blue
[What is your favorite animal(s)?:] i really don't have one. not an animal person. or a person person, for that matter. i'm a thing person
[Do you have any birthmarks?:] none that'd be birthmarks.....freckles are sorta close, but they are disappearing
[Who are your best friends?:] hmm....its tricky, so i'm going to just list closest friends.....no one get on my case for this one though. bryan, tim, chris, jennie, kristal......and....because i'm a moron, i'll include sam
[Who do you talk to most on the phone?:] bryan or jennie, probably....though its not talking talking
[Have you ever been slapped?:] lots
[Do you get online a lot?:] am i ever not?
[Are you shy or outgoing?:] in general......shy
[Do you shower?:] yes
[Do you hate school?:] only when it wastes my time. so, yeah, all the time.
[How easily do you trust people?:] its nearly impossible for me to really trust people. i've only really trusted to the core one person.....and that led to a lot of difficulties.
[Have you ever lied to your best friends?:] no
[Would you ever sky dive?:] nope...scared of heights
[Do you like to dance?:] i don't dance. period.
[Have you ever been out of state?:] yes, to arizona, utah, and internationally
[Do you like to travel?:] only when i've got a good reason to do so, otherwise, i really don't like leaving home.
[Have you ever been expelled from school?:] no
[Have you ever been suspended from school?:] no
[Do you want to get out of your hometown?:] eh....don't know where else i'd go.
[What's your favorite pop / alcohol drink?:] coca-cola, of course. coke addict through and through
[Do you like Snapple?:] no
[Do you drink a lot of water?:] probably not, no
[What toothpaste do you use?:] the blue stuff
[Do you have a cell phone or pager?:] cell phone that i hardly ever use
[Do you have a curfew?:] no......not really, but i'm not an out late night sort of person
[What name brand do you wear the most?:] no brands for me
[What kind of jewelry do you wear?:] no jewelry
[What do you have pierced?:] nothing
[What do you want pierced?:] i quite like staying in one piece
[Do you like taking pictures?:] yeah.....mostly landscapes and stuff like that....you know, boring things. though.....i've been known to include people in said pictures for that extra touch.
[Do you like getting your picture taken?] nope, acne ain't photogenic
[Do you get annoyed easily?:] depends....i probably do, but i also will put up with virtually anything if its the proper circumstances
[Do you have your own pool?:] nope
[Do you have any siblings?:] 1 brother
[Do you get along with your parents?:] my dad on occasion.....my mom....never
[How do you vent your anger?:] its nto quite anger, but strong emotions that i need to vent nonetheless.....but i used a journal at one point, but it wasn't private so i gave that up....so mostly, i vent into my poetry a lot, which is sorta easy to find.....and i used to beat and bruise myself a lot, till sam helped work me through not doing that to myself before i caused any perminent harm to myself, otherwise, i'd probably have done some serious damage by now.
[Have you ever run away?:] no
[Have you ever been fired from a job?:] yes....but it was a trechorous method to it
[Do you even have a job?:] yup, tutoring. ripping off the rich people
[Do you daydream a lot?:] too much for my own good now days
[What do you want a tattoo of?:] don't like tattoos
[What do you have a tattoo of?:] see above
[What does your most recent crush look like?:] most beautiful girl on the planet. which probably helps to explain a lot.
[Are you rude?:] too often.....but, usually.....only when neccessary
[What is your heritage?:] Irish and Swedish mainly.
[What is your lucky number?:] my lucky numbers....4, 1138, 327
[What does your hair look like right now?:] my hair hasn't changed...part on the left....whatever colour it is...brown something
[Could you ever be a vegetarian?:] nope.....meat brings all the flavour
[How many rings until you answer the phone?:] depends on how far away i am
[Do you look more like your mother or father?:] don't know
[Do you cry a lot?:] more than i should....but, its justifiable
[Do you ever cry to get your way?:] no....that don't work for guys
[What phrase do you use most when on the phone?:] "shut up bryan, i'm hanging up"
[Have you ever been chased by cops?:] no
[When was the last time you threw up?:] last night after dinner, hadn't been for like... a week or two before that, too.
[What do the shoes you last wore look like?:] white.....some brand....payless i think
[What theme does your room have?:] two.....the main one is star wars....lesser one is more private
[What size shoe do you wear?:] 12...big flat feet
[What jewelry are you wearing now?:] none
[What is your screen name on MSN?:] "spiny norman", because, you know, python rules
[How are you feeling right now?:] tired, sad, alone...the usual
[What do you sleep in?:] pyjamas and my bed
[Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:] yeah, all sorts. wow, people hate me.
[What is one of your bad qualities?:] i'm far too stubborn for my own good
[What is one of your good qualities?:] i stick with things and am committed
[Would you marry for money?:] no.....marriage is about love, not money.
[What do you drive?:] the chupathingie! can't go wrong with a white '91 jeep
[When was the last time you cried in school?:] no idea....probably early feb sometime, if at all recently
[Last thing you did]
Moive you watched= evening with kevin smith probably don't count....so, i think it was red vs blue. that should count as a movie.
song you listened to = somthing moody blues, don't remember what was the last one though......esp since it was at 1.5x in my jeep
song that was stuck in your head = Forever Autumn by the Moody Blues
cd you listened to = one of tom's mixes on the way home from UCI...since, i don't listen to those primative things anymore.
person you've called = Andria this evening before heading over to her house
person that's called you = Jennie, probably. since, you know, she just calls to hassle me from time to time (don't hurt me)
tv show you've watched = something on comedy central.......probably the standup stuff they had in the morning few days back
person you were thinking of = well....its the wrong answer, but sam. not like i meant to.
[Do You?]
you have a crush on someone = yes
you wish you could live somewhere else = atm, for sake of being healthy....no. though, i used to spend a heck of a lot of time wishing i did.
others find you attractive = of course not
you want more piercings = no
you like cleaning = nope.....too much work
you like roller coasters = of course....except for the roller coaster that is life. too many g's. and my lapbar doesn't work. and the shoulder harness is too tight.
you write in cursive or print = i type. skip both those. but when i have to...i print
FOR OR AGAINST...
long distance relationships = for.....love can conquer any distance, if you only believe in it
Using someone = against...just not right
killing people = against...death penalty, thats tricky, but circumstantial
teenage smoking = agains, like any other sort of smoking
driving drunk = against, like any other sort of drinking, times 100
soap operas = against.....they take away from valuable potential game show time
HAVE YOU...
ever cried over a boy/girl = lots
ever lied to someone = yeah.....mostly parents
ever been in a fist fight = i was beaten up and didn't fight back...tahts the closest thing there
ever been arrested = nope, but almost did at saugus!
WHAT...
shampoo do you use = i...don't know
are you scared of = heights......dogs(though, my stay in australia made that disappear for the most part).....being used/people not being honest with me (i'm just totally paranoid, and every time it seems gone, it gets validated)....my own emotions, esp with love
NUMBER...
of times I have had my heart broken? once
of hearts I have broken? none that i know of
of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? somewhere.....i'd estimate around two dozen or so. more if we count multiple times within same article.
of scars on my body? lets see...scar on foot from my surgery that i try to keep covered, scar just above my mouth from the minibike incident.....scars along my left arm from the karl-thong incident (mental scars too there).....and....sort of a scar on one of my fingers from when a door was slammed on it like......10 years ago, give or take. probably a couple others i'm forgetting.
of things in my past that I regret? a ton of things....totally too many to count.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
funny = i have my moments
hot = not a chance
friendly = prob not
amusing = not really
loveable =not in the slightest
caring = i try, but i don't do a good job of it
sweet = no
dorky = yeah, most likly
PERSON WHO LAST...
slept in your bed = me
saw you cry = hmm.....i'm not sure....possibly a parent...possibly....whoever i last whined to in person. i suspect kristal, but there might have been others
made you cry = sam.....or well, my feelings about her. so i guess, me.
you went to the movies with = i got no clue....educated guess, probably jennie and kristal, and then other people.
yelled at you = either my mom or sam
sent you an email = jennie did.
HAVE YOU EVER...
gone out in public in your pajamas = no
kept a secret from everyone = i didn't mention sam much until i felt things were on good footing with her....so, for a while i guess it was a secret.... well, that and i didn't want to deal with judgemental people at first. till i realised i'd rather be honest and open and deal with them than hide the best thing in my life away. eh, moot point.
planned your week based on the TV Guide = yup, i used to. then i got a computer.
been on stage = yeah.....when they thank tech people is only thing i can think of
been to New York = nope, maybe for ep 3
been to California = almost all my life
been to Hawaii = nah
been to Japan = nope
been to Canada = who goes to canada? i mean honestly?
been to Europe = i thought i would....but no reason now
been to Asia = not really
been to Australia = well, ok, so i'm adding this one, but yeah, it deserves to be on here. and yup, best trip i've ever gone on. except for the plane flight. eew.
what time is it now = 1:23 am
apples or bananas = apples...bananas make me sick
blue or red = blue
walmart or target = target...because walmart is evil
spring or fall = hmm...spring, i think. so much more alive.
what are you gonna do after you finish this = sleep or more net
what was the last meal you ate = lunch at the tackiest place on earth...some restaurant at downtown disney. creepy and wrong.
are you bored = yup....nothing good left on net
last noise you heard = the keys typing
last smell you sniffed = not a clue
FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE...
do you believe in love at first sight = not in love at first sight, but true love. love at first sight just seems so shallow.
do you want children one day & if so, how many = probably, one or two...though its circumstantial
most important thing to you in a friendship is = trust/honesty
OTHER INFO...
criminal record = so far, no
do you speak any other languages = english, australian, american sign language, C++, HTML, javascript, and perl
last book you read = in the middle of "Digital Fortress"
name some of your favorite things in your bedroom = the letters and stuff from Sam, the three tons of sw stuff
nickname(s) = Lowbacca, Davin, Mikey, Christopher Robbins, various weight related commnets...and others i don't want to go into.
initials = MBL
how old do you look = i used to get like....14 or 15 when i worked at Magic. no idea now
how old do you act = no idea...though i have to act like the responsible one.
glasses/contacts = nope. in your collective face
braces = nope
do you have any pets = never
you get embarrassed = very easily and all the time
what makes you happy = i don't know....i used to be a big fan of love
what upsets you = ignorance, stupidity, my pattern of never succeeding
FINISH THE SENTENCE...
i love to... um...not much
i miss... friends of the past, and especially Sam, in the sense of the past.
i wish ... that that my dreams would come true
i am... paranoid and alone
i want to be... whatever it is people need of me most without sacrificing my own identity
i would never...drink, smoke, do drugs, or hurt someone i care about
i'd rather...loved
i am tired of...things falling out from under me when i try to make things happen in my life
i will always be...atypical
time finished: 1:42 am
[What time are you starting this?:] 12:42 am
[Name?] Michael Lund
[Date of birth?:] April 30, 1985
[Height?:] 5'8" i think, give or take an inch
[Eye color?:] blue and probably bloodshpt
[Location?:] Valencia
[Where were you born?:] Valencia
[Have you ever failed a grade?:] no
[Do you have a crush on someone?:] obvious answer there
[Do you have a bf/gf?:] not at all
[If so, what is their name:] n/a
[What are you wearing right now?] pyjamas
[Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?] never
[Do you smoke?:] never have, never will
[Do you drink?:] never have, never will
[What are your favorite colors?:] black and blue
[What is your favorite animal(s)?:] i really don't have one. not an animal person. or a person person, for that matter. i'm a thing person
[Do you have any birthmarks?:] none that'd be birthmarks.....freckles are sorta close, but they are disappearing
[Who are your best friends?:] hmm....its tricky, so i'm going to just list closest friends.....no one get on my case for this one though. bryan, tim, chris, jennie, kristal......and....because i'm a moron, i'll include sam
[Who do you talk to most on the phone?:] bryan or jennie, probably....though its not talking talking
[Have you ever been slapped?:] lots
[Do you get online a lot?:] am i ever not?
[Are you shy or outgoing?:] in general......shy
[Do you shower?:] yes
[Do you hate school?:] only when it wastes my time. so, yeah, all the time.
[How easily do you trust people?:] its nearly impossible for me to really trust people. i've only really trusted to the core one person.....and that led to a lot of difficulties.
[Have you ever lied to your best friends?:] no
[Would you ever sky dive?:] nope...scared of heights
[Do you like to dance?:] i don't dance. period.
[Have you ever been out of state?:] yes, to arizona, utah, and internationally
[Do you like to travel?:] only when i've got a good reason to do so, otherwise, i really don't like leaving home.
[Have you ever been expelled from school?:] no
[Have you ever been suspended from school?:] no
[Do you want to get out of your hometown?:] eh....don't know where else i'd go.
[What's your favorite pop / alcohol drink?:] coca-cola, of course. coke addict through and through
[Do you like Snapple?:] no
[Do you drink a lot of water?:] probably not, no
[What toothpaste do you use?:] the blue stuff
[Do you have a cell phone or pager?:] cell phone that i hardly ever use
[Do you have a curfew?:] no......not really, but i'm not an out late night sort of person
[What name brand do you wear the most?:] no brands for me
[What kind of jewelry do you wear?:] no jewelry
[What do you have pierced?:] nothing
[What do you want pierced?:] i quite like staying in one piece
[Do you like taking pictures?:] yeah.....mostly landscapes and stuff like that....you know, boring things. though.....i've been known to include people in said pictures for that extra touch.
[Do you like getting your picture taken?] nope, acne ain't photogenic
[Do you get annoyed easily?:] depends....i probably do, but i also will put up with virtually anything if its the proper circumstances
[Do you have your own pool?:] nope
[Do you have any siblings?:] 1 brother
[Do you get along with your parents?:] my dad on occasion.....my mom....never
[How do you vent your anger?:] its nto quite anger, but strong emotions that i need to vent nonetheless.....but i used a journal at one point, but it wasn't private so i gave that up....so mostly, i vent into my poetry a lot, which is sorta easy to find.....and i used to beat and bruise myself a lot, till sam helped work me through not doing that to myself before i caused any perminent harm to myself, otherwise, i'd probably have done some serious damage by now.
[Have you ever run away?:] no
[Have you ever been fired from a job?:] yes....but it was a trechorous method to it
[Do you even have a job?:] yup, tutoring. ripping off the rich people
[Do you daydream a lot?:] too much for my own good now days
[What do you want a tattoo of?:] don't like tattoos
[What do you have a tattoo of?:] see above
[What does your most recent crush look like?:] most beautiful girl on the planet. which probably helps to explain a lot.
[Are you rude?:] too often.....but, usually.....only when neccessary
[What is your heritage?:] Irish and Swedish mainly.
[What is your lucky number?:] my lucky numbers....4, 1138, 327
[What does your hair look like right now?:] my hair hasn't changed...part on the left....whatever colour it is...brown something
[Could you ever be a vegetarian?:] nope.....meat brings all the flavour
[How many rings until you answer the phone?:] depends on how far away i am
[Do you look more like your mother or father?:] don't know
[Do you cry a lot?:] more than i should....but, its justifiable
[Do you ever cry to get your way?:] no....that don't work for guys
[What phrase do you use most when on the phone?:] "shut up bryan, i'm hanging up"
[Have you ever been chased by cops?:] no
[When was the last time you threw up?:] last night after dinner, hadn't been for like... a week or two before that, too.
[What do the shoes you last wore look like?:] white.....some brand....payless i think
[What theme does your room have?:] two.....the main one is star wars....lesser one is more private
[What size shoe do you wear?:] 12...big flat feet
[What jewelry are you wearing now?:] none
[What is your screen name on MSN?:] "spiny norman", because, you know, python rules
[How are you feeling right now?:] tired, sad, alone...the usual
[What do you sleep in?:] pyjamas and my bed
[Has there ever been a rumor spread about you?:] yeah, all sorts. wow, people hate me.
[What is one of your bad qualities?:] i'm far too stubborn for my own good
[What is one of your good qualities?:] i stick with things and am committed
[Would you marry for money?:] no.....marriage is about love, not money.
[What do you drive?:] the chupathingie! can't go wrong with a white '91 jeep
[When was the last time you cried in school?:] no idea....probably early feb sometime, if at all recently
[Last thing you did]
Moive you watched= evening with kevin smith probably don't count....so, i think it was red vs blue. that should count as a movie.
song you listened to = somthing moody blues, don't remember what was the last one though......esp since it was at 1.5x in my jeep
song that was stuck in your head = Forever Autumn by the Moody Blues
cd you listened to = one of tom's mixes on the way home from UCI...since, i don't listen to those primative things anymore.
person you've called = Andria this evening before heading over to her house
person that's called you = Jennie, probably. since, you know, she just calls to hassle me from time to time (don't hurt me)
tv show you've watched = something on comedy central.......probably the standup stuff they had in the morning few days back
person you were thinking of = well....its the wrong answer, but sam. not like i meant to.
[Do You?]
you have a crush on someone = yes
you wish you could live somewhere else = atm, for sake of being healthy....no. though, i used to spend a heck of a lot of time wishing i did.
others find you attractive = of course not
you want more piercings = no
you like cleaning = nope.....too much work
you like roller coasters = of course....except for the roller coaster that is life. too many g's. and my lapbar doesn't work. and the shoulder harness is too tight.
you write in cursive or print = i type. skip both those. but when i have to...i print
FOR OR AGAINST...
long distance relationships = for.....love can conquer any distance, if you only believe in it
Using someone = against...just not right
killing people = against...death penalty, thats tricky, but circumstantial
teenage smoking = agains, like any other sort of smoking
driving drunk = against, like any other sort of drinking, times 100
soap operas = against.....they take away from valuable potential game show time
HAVE YOU...
ever cried over a boy/girl = lots
ever lied to someone = yeah.....mostly parents
ever been in a fist fight = i was beaten up and didn't fight back...tahts the closest thing there
ever been arrested = nope, but almost did at saugus!
WHAT...
shampoo do you use = i...don't know
are you scared of = heights......dogs(though, my stay in australia made that disappear for the most part).....being used/people not being honest with me (i'm just totally paranoid, and every time it seems gone, it gets validated)....my own emotions, esp with love
NUMBER...
of times I have had my heart broken? once
of hearts I have broken? none that i know of
of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? somewhere.....i'd estimate around two dozen or so. more if we count multiple times within same article.
of scars on my body? lets see...scar on foot from my surgery that i try to keep covered, scar just above my mouth from the minibike incident.....scars along my left arm from the karl-thong incident (mental scars too there).....and....sort of a scar on one of my fingers from when a door was slammed on it like......10 years ago, give or take. probably a couple others i'm forgetting.
of things in my past that I regret? a ton of things....totally too many to count.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
funny = i have my moments
hot = not a chance
friendly = prob not
amusing = not really
loveable =not in the slightest
caring = i try, but i don't do a good job of it
sweet = no
dorky = yeah, most likly
PERSON WHO LAST...
slept in your bed = me
saw you cry = hmm.....i'm not sure....possibly a parent...possibly....whoever i last whined to in person. i suspect kristal, but there might have been others
made you cry = sam.....or well, my feelings about her. so i guess, me.
you went to the movies with = i got no clue....educated guess, probably jennie and kristal, and then other people.
yelled at you = either my mom or sam
sent you an email = jennie did.
HAVE YOU EVER...
gone out in public in your pajamas = no
kept a secret from everyone = i didn't mention sam much until i felt things were on good footing with her....so, for a while i guess it was a secret.... well, that and i didn't want to deal with judgemental people at first. till i realised i'd rather be honest and open and deal with them than hide the best thing in my life away. eh, moot point.
planned your week based on the TV Guide = yup, i used to. then i got a computer.
been on stage = yeah.....when they thank tech people is only thing i can think of
been to New York = nope, maybe for ep 3
been to California = almost all my life
been to Hawaii = nah
been to Japan = nope
been to Canada = who goes to canada? i mean honestly?
been to Europe = i thought i would....but no reason now
been to Asia = not really
been to Australia = well, ok, so i'm adding this one, but yeah, it deserves to be on here. and yup, best trip i've ever gone on. except for the plane flight. eew.
what time is it now = 1:23 am
apples or bananas = apples...bananas make me sick
blue or red = blue
walmart or target = target...because walmart is evil
spring or fall = hmm...spring, i think. so much more alive.
what are you gonna do after you finish this = sleep or more net
what was the last meal you ate = lunch at the tackiest place on earth...some restaurant at downtown disney. creepy and wrong.
are you bored = yup....nothing good left on net
last noise you heard = the keys typing
last smell you sniffed = not a clue
FRIENDSHIP AND LOVE...
do you believe in love at first sight = not in love at first sight, but true love. love at first sight just seems so shallow.
do you want children one day & if so, how many = probably, one or two...though its circumstantial
most important thing to you in a friendship is = trust/honesty
OTHER INFO...
criminal record = so far, no
do you speak any other languages = english, australian, american sign language, C++, HTML, javascript, and perl
last book you read = in the middle of "Digital Fortress"
name some of your favorite things in your bedroom = the letters and stuff from Sam, the three tons of sw stuff
nickname(s) = Lowbacca, Davin, Mikey, Christopher Robbins, various weight related commnets...and others i don't want to go into.
initials = MBL
how old do you look = i used to get like....14 or 15 when i worked at Magic. no idea now
how old do you act = no idea...though i have to act like the responsible one.
glasses/contacts = nope. in your collective face
braces = nope
do you have any pets = never
you get embarrassed = very easily and all the time
what makes you happy = i don't know....i used to be a big fan of love
what upsets you = ignorance, stupidity, my pattern of never succeeding
FINISH THE SENTENCE...
i love to... um...not much
i miss... friends of the past, and especially Sam, in the sense of the past.
i wish ... that that my dreams would come true
i am... paranoid and alone
i want to be... whatever it is people need of me most without sacrificing my own identity
i would never...drink, smoke, do drugs, or hurt someone i care about
i'd rather...loved
i am tired of...things falling out from under me when i try to make things happen in my life
i will always be...atypical
time finished: 1:42 am
4/05/2004
last night drove down to hollywood with jennie, kristal, chris, and bryan to see some sort of music thing. not my thing, but hey, got to be helpful by driving, so that works. it was the starlight mints and dressy bessy and some other group. i'm really not even sure what genre of music i was listening to, really. though i did find it odd that music that was that loud could feature that much tamberine. it was a very strange balance. so then denny's after that and i spent my entire budget for this week there. go me. then again, this is what happens when one only budgets $8 for a whole week.
i've finally, after like two months, accepted that i've really been dumped for someone better. it really hasn't been something i've wanted to accept, i kept wanting to believe that she loved me, at the least when she had visited here, but i've got to more or less accept it that when she was here, she didn't love me, she just felt obligated to be here, like she'd felt obligated by the rest of our relationship, that she wasn't with me because she felt anything for me, just that she felt she was expected to or something like that, and i guess i was right all those times i'd worried that i'd lose her just the way i did. i'd already lost her at that point, she just wasn't ready to say so at that point, she did more or less wait to come here first before deciding she'd finally tell me. she's traded up, but, at least it makes her happy, and in only the span of weeks, when i failed for two and a half years to do so.
i've finally, after like two months, accepted that i've really been dumped for someone better. it really hasn't been something i've wanted to accept, i kept wanting to believe that she loved me, at the least when she had visited here, but i've got to more or less accept it that when she was here, she didn't love me, she just felt obligated to be here, like she'd felt obligated by the rest of our relationship, that she wasn't with me because she felt anything for me, just that she felt she was expected to or something like that, and i guess i was right all those times i'd worried that i'd lose her just the way i did. i'd already lost her at that point, she just wasn't ready to say so at that point, she did more or less wait to come here first before deciding she'd finally tell me. she's traded up, but, at least it makes her happy, and in only the span of weeks, when i failed for two and a half years to do so.
4/04/2004
well....this will be a short post since, hey, i didn't do a darn thing today.
or rather, just a darn thing of any significance......i've counted my dvds....i have 54. ive also begun the very basics of a web page, which you can check out at my hyperjump site here. Its the very basic stuff so far, but more will come. oh yes, it will. ive got all of spring break to sit at home and make web pages.
and finally, as i've been lazy with my links to journals......i'm gonna cut a corner here..... anyone here that would like their journal added there, give me a link, and it shall. just post it in a comment. or something.
or rather, just a darn thing of any significance......i've counted my dvds....i have 54. ive also begun the very basics of a web page, which you can check out at my hyperjump site here. Its the very basic stuff so far, but more will come. oh yes, it will. ive got all of spring break to sit at home and make web pages.
and finally, as i've been lazy with my links to journals......i'm gonna cut a corner here..... anyone here that would like their journal added there, give me a link, and it shall. just post it in a comment. or something.
4/03/2004
today was, in a word, not cool.
so, i left my house at 7:20 this morning, mainly because, hey, i didn't really care about getting to my class on time, but i figured i'd make it anyways. defying all real logic, i get off the 405 at 7:40, only about 20 minutes later. so, i'm making darn good time, as i was only about.....3 miles away from csun at that point i think. of course, its surface streets, so its a bit more time consuming ....say ....10 minutes or so, 15 in morning probably. so then i get past woodley i think it is.....and traffic just stops. i mean, its hardly moving at all....ever. i have no idea whats wrong, but a lot of cars are driving down the center of the street which is basicly illegal..... i think i saw cops ticket some people that did that. so i get to havenhearst and whats there? a crash with...i think three cars involved, and two or three cops directing traffic. the lane i'm in is being directed to just turn right since we can't go straight thanks to one of the cars that was crashed. so i get sent north somewhere into the hills of northridge. eventually, i make my way west and south to G3 to park...or G4...wherever i park. then i realise the time. its like 7:25.....it took me like 45 minutes to drive from csun to the 405. see, this is what i get for my mom jinxing me in the mornign and saying i was going to be late. thats right, my mom caused the accident somehow.
so, i get through school, am looking forward to just getting home because the morning commute was so bad.....when what do they do to me? they close my on ramp AGAIN. they always do that. so i get to take surface streets on a detour then too. i'm seriously sick of commuting here, its hardly worth it......theres too many people, too many cars, and not nearly enough room for everyone. my solution? random killings of people that aren't me in southern california. or at least car seisures.
final thing was the movie night at andrews. i don't think we actually watched either of the movies at all, except for occasional commenting about it, otherwise it was just goofing off. of course, the greatest thing was how when bryan's car was stolen, leading to jennie, kristal, chris, and bryan all leaving, andrew, john, jessica, and myself unlaced their shoes, laced them back up upside down, put them on the roof, then jessica left, and john and i moved our cars so it'd look like we left and then when they returned hid in the shadows. don't believe me? bryan, i can tell, went into the house twice when they got back.....once to get one of jennie's shoes, and the other time for his phone. least, i think thats what they were for. and he walked practically right past john and i. we should've tackled him but we didn't plan that far ahead. so then we (andrew, john, and me) just spent like an hour talking after they all left, which was cool to do. most insightful. though, i still find it wierd to have heard some of the stuff i did.... like, the main thing probably was that whole theory that there seemed to be more between sita and i than just friends. i think just since, i knew that there was a fair bit of confiding at the time being discussed, but still, as i saw it she was a friend of mine, and a good one, but in no way possible more than that. i'm sorta wondering if people thought they were seeing something extra there, or its just something i never saw in that light since it wasn't ever something i'd looked for. i guess it shoots down ladder theory or something like that probably though....i'm not sure what exactly ladder theory is, so maybe it doesn't. you be the judge.
so, i left my house at 7:20 this morning, mainly because, hey, i didn't really care about getting to my class on time, but i figured i'd make it anyways. defying all real logic, i get off the 405 at 7:40, only about 20 minutes later. so, i'm making darn good time, as i was only about.....3 miles away from csun at that point i think. of course, its surface streets, so its a bit more time consuming ....say ....10 minutes or so, 15 in morning probably. so then i get past woodley i think it is.....and traffic just stops. i mean, its hardly moving at all....ever. i have no idea whats wrong, but a lot of cars are driving down the center of the street which is basicly illegal..... i think i saw cops ticket some people that did that. so i get to havenhearst and whats there? a crash with...i think three cars involved, and two or three cops directing traffic. the lane i'm in is being directed to just turn right since we can't go straight thanks to one of the cars that was crashed. so i get sent north somewhere into the hills of northridge. eventually, i make my way west and south to G3 to park...or G4...wherever i park. then i realise the time. its like 7:25.....it took me like 45 minutes to drive from csun to the 405. see, this is what i get for my mom jinxing me in the mornign and saying i was going to be late. thats right, my mom caused the accident somehow.
so, i get through school, am looking forward to just getting home because the morning commute was so bad.....when what do they do to me? they close my on ramp AGAIN. they always do that. so i get to take surface streets on a detour then too. i'm seriously sick of commuting here, its hardly worth it......theres too many people, too many cars, and not nearly enough room for everyone. my solution? random killings of people that aren't me in southern california. or at least car seisures.
final thing was the movie night at andrews. i don't think we actually watched either of the movies at all, except for occasional commenting about it, otherwise it was just goofing off. of course, the greatest thing was how when bryan's car was stolen, leading to jennie, kristal, chris, and bryan all leaving, andrew, john, jessica, and myself unlaced their shoes, laced them back up upside down, put them on the roof, then jessica left, and john and i moved our cars so it'd look like we left and then when they returned hid in the shadows. don't believe me? bryan, i can tell, went into the house twice when they got back.....once to get one of jennie's shoes, and the other time for his phone. least, i think thats what they were for. and he walked practically right past john and i. we should've tackled him but we didn't plan that far ahead. so then we (andrew, john, and me) just spent like an hour talking after they all left, which was cool to do. most insightful. though, i still find it wierd to have heard some of the stuff i did.... like, the main thing probably was that whole theory that there seemed to be more between sita and i than just friends. i think just since, i knew that there was a fair bit of confiding at the time being discussed, but still, as i saw it she was a friend of mine, and a good one, but in no way possible more than that. i'm sorta wondering if people thought they were seeing something extra there, or its just something i never saw in that light since it wasn't ever something i'd looked for. i guess it shoots down ladder theory or something like that probably though....i'm not sure what exactly ladder theory is, so maybe it doesn't. you be the judge.
